Andrew Hoyle: Daddy cool

AT THE time of writing this column, the lord appears to have spared me for another year, so best wishes for 2010 to any readers. Looking back over the past 12 months, 2009 was yet another year to forget. My lottery numbers proved oddly ineffective, my monthly bills rose, my wages didn't. Déjà vu all over again.

Christmas is barely over, yet already the novelty of getting a puppy is wearing off fast – who'd have thought it? Our three kids, however, have proved to be an endless and varied source of fascination, amusement and revulsion over the past 12 months.

Our sensitive seven-year-old son's interest in the natural world grew more intense. He remains a bumblebee fanatic (could our insistence on dressing him solely in black-and-yellow-hooped velour costumes with authentic-looking feelers from the ages of two weeks to six years have had any impact?), and in the summer would frequently wander about the house and garden with a buff-tailed specimen sheltering in his grubby cupped hands, before tenderly placing it on a pollen-laden flower. Obviously, as soon as his back was turned, I would crush the life out of the buzzing menace with a rolled up Spectrum. Anyway, as I say, strange little chap. Probably just a phase he's going through.

His ruffian five-year-old brother, on the other hand, has demonstrated regularly over the past year that enforced detention at her majesty's pleasure is probably not so much a matter of 'if' but 'when'. He has attended primary one for less than six months but has already accumulated a brace of warning cards. I'm not sure if there is a three-strikes-and-you're-out policy, but perhaps there is wisdom in the old maxim "spare the rod, spoil the child"…

Their little sister spent most of 2009 in her 'terrible twos', not helped by an excess of e-numbers from her predominantly Haribo-based diet. She has also turned into an inveterate telly addict – favourites being the train-based farce Chuggington and Gigglebiz, with the ubiquitous Justin Fletcher. But as responsible parents, we do limit her viewing to no more than eight hours without a ten-minute screen break.

Last year also brought about an addition to our happy little family. Yes, we were blessed by the patter of tiny feet – well, the scratching of claws. After much debate, we got a furry friend for our eldest's birthday. Naturally, one of our biggest concerns before we got the rodent was the house smelling – but I'm pleased to report that the hamster seems to have got used to it.