Agony and Ecstasy

My sister-in-law is a terrible lush, and I no longer know how to handle her. The other day she ended up, glass in one hand, karaoke microphone in the other while doing high kicks in time to the music. It would have been fine but it was my grandmother's 90th birthday tea. Can you help?

Family Fortunes

Dear Family Fortunes

It is possible that your sister-in-law isn't aware of quite how out of control her behaviour has become. These things can creep up on us. However, it's more likely she is already feeling a certain degree of anxiety about the amount she is drinking. If your brother is unable to address the issue you should tackle it head on. A gentle chat may be all she needs to get back on track. If nothing changes, you will need to up the ante, but for now a little extra support could be all she needs.

Dear Agony Aunt

My husband is forever organising boys' nights out. If it isn't something to do with the golf or football, it's a stag do. This week he has arranged five social engagements, and none of them involve me. He is a loving and wonderful husband in every other way, but I'm at my wit's end. I like the fact that he is so sociable but I don't understand why we can't enjoy a night out together more than once a month. Also, we've just discovered that we're going to be parents and now I'm worried that I'm going to be left changing the nappies while my husband is out with the boys. What do you suggest?

Bored Bored Bored

Dear Bored Bored Bored

It's great that your husband has so many interests and is obviously so well liked, but while those things play their part in a successful marriage, they are not the most important elements. A good relationship takes work, and that means spending time together.

I have a regular date night with Agony Uncle once a week, which we stick to without fail. We might go out for dinner or maybe just for a walk in the park – the important thing is we spend time together.

But it has to be a two way street so why not join your husband on a few of his activities. You might even find you enjoy a spot of golf, and if you don't, at least you'll know he's not out chasing birdies.

Dear Agony Aunt

I keep being stood up by my friends. We'll make an arrangement and then I'll find myself waiting for hours for them to turn up. Sometimes they don't appear at all. If I was meeting them for a date it would be one thing, but these are people who are meant to care about me. What do you suggest?

Lonely Only

Dear Lonely Only

Your friends are treating you as if you are dispensable and that won't do. Not only will it have a terrible effect on your self-confidence if you continue to allow them to treat you like this, eventually you will also start to feel as if the fault is with you rather than with them.

You need to let your friends know their behaviour is unacceptable, and that doesn't have to mean having a big fall-out. While I'm tempted to suggest you don't turn up for them a few times to see how they like it, that would only be stooping to their level and isn't going to help. No, first you have to explain how hurt you have been by their actions, then you need to set some boundaries for their behaviour. Why not agree to meet your friends but let them know you will only wait for a maximum of ten minutes.

But there is no point in getting tough and then not following through. If they don't turn up, you must hit the road. Not only will your friends learn to respect you, but you will learn to respect yourself too.

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This article was first published in Scotland on Sunday, March 14, 2010