Top travel tips that we should all abide by for a stress-free journey (without having to resort to wearing a Make America Great Again baseball cap) – Stephen Jardine

Here’s a handy cut-out-and-keep guide for peak holiday season

The UK is one of the most densely populated countries in Europe. According to the Office for National Statistics, that is a fact. But if you doubt it, try walking up the Royal Mile in Edinburgh any time over the next month. Of course, you won’t do that because visitors want the experience and in a crowded place, we make allowances and space for each other. That is how society operates, give and take, live and let live.

However post-Covid, that is harder. Research suggests a rise in problematic behaviour across the population following the pandemic. From anti-social issues in school to an increase in littering and noise complaints, some people seem to have forgotten how to behave after lockdown.

Peak holiday season is a particularly testing time so what follows is a handy cut-out-and-keep guide. If this summer you encounter anyone displaying unreasonable behaviour, there is no need for an ugly confrontation. Instead just take this from your purse or wallet and invite them to read and absorb the contents.

Let’s start at the airport, bus or train station. The location isn’t really important but the rule is sacrosanct, you queue. You wait your turn behind the people who arrived before you. It doesn’t matter if you speak a different language or are “in a big hurry” as someone said to me recently, queue jumping is the eighth deadly sin.

Once in the line, you respect personal space. Standing three inches behind the person in front is not going to get you there any quicker it may just get you a well-deserved trolley bag on the foot. In airports, think ahead. If you leave sorting out your hand luggage and identifying your liquids until someone in a uniform is shouting at you and everyone in the line behind is sighing, perhaps modern travel isn’t for you.

Once onboard, sit down as quickly as possible… in your allocated seat. If another passenger point out that you are sitting where they should be, please leave the plane or train immediately. You are too stupid to travel and potentially a risk to fellow passengers.

Personal space is also audible. You might like Miley Cyrus TikTok videos, but no one else wants to hear them at full volume at 30,000 feet. An American named Nathaniel Baldwin came up with an amazing invention called headphones. Buy a pair. Anything involving feet needs to remain private between you and your podiatrist. Taking off shoes while travelling is unacceptable. Doing anything involving toenails is a capital offence.

Taking off your shoes while travelling is unacceptable (Picture: Daniel Slim/AFP via Getty Images)

Have a drink if you want but don’t overdo it. You are no funnier after five gins and no one onboard is going to be laughing if your behaviour means the flight to Turkey ends up being diverted to Albania. When making phonecalls on arrival, do it quietly. Don’t hold the device two feet from your head and shout. It won’t save you from cancer but it will lead to everyone around finding you irritating.

Hopefully the above will save you from the worst of others’ behaviour on your travels. If not, just unpack and deploy a Make America Great Again baseball cap and, like magic, huge amounts of personal space will open up, allowing you to enjoy your holiday in peace and quiet.