Scottish Parliament has become a job creation scheme for mediocre party activists – Susan Dalgety

My nine-year-old granddaughter can frame a better argument and a first-year law student could draft better legislation than some at Holyrood

It seems there is no one in Scotland more keen for a Labour government than committed nationalist Shirley-Anne Sommerville. In a moment of festive madness, I decided to combine a bit of light Christmas shopping with a drop-in session at our Scottish Parliament. How I wish I had stayed at home.

Bedecked in Suffragette green and purple, in a clear signal that she was indeed a feminist to her kitten heels, the Cabinet Secretary for Social Justice droned her way through a ministerial statement that consigned the controversial Gender Recognition Reform Bill to purgatory.

But first, she issued an apology of sorts on behalf of her partner in crime, the Deputy First Minister, Shona Robison, who had flaunted parliamentary rules the night before by telling the BBC that the Scottish Government had abandoned its legal challenge against the UK Government’s veto of the bill. “She in no way meant to pre-empt the statement today,” mumbled Sommerville. And if you believe that, I have a ferry to sell you, she might have added.

The Scottish Parliament has spectacularly failed to live up to its early promise (Picture: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

She then went on to deliver her own mea culpa. According to parliament protocol, government ministers are supposed to give opposition parties a copy of their statement in plenty of time to allow them to scrutinise the contents. Sommerville’s statement was issued at 3.16pm – four minutes before she was due to deliver it. But apparently the Presiding Officer was to blame. “The discussions between me and your office, Presiding Officer, led to the late arrival of the statement with Opposition spokespeople, for which I genuinely apologise,” muttered Sommerville.

Fixing the economy

On to the meat of her speech. Wrapped up in 1,200 warm words professing her love and support for Scotland’s LGBTQI+ community, she admitted the Gender Bill, passed almost a year ago to the day, was a dead duck. But wait, she was not withdrawing the bill. Instead, she was placing it carefully at the bottom of her ministerial in-tray, to await the arrival of a new government, one which has “more respect for devolution and [will] be willing to work together, even when, at times, we disagree,” she said wistfully.

Whether Sir Keir Starmer will prove to be the knight in shining armour that Sommerville hopes is a matter of conjecture. Faced with his own bulging in-tray, piled high with evidence of the chaos caused by 14 years of Tory in-fighting and incompetence, it is doubtful that he will rush to her rescue. Does he really want to lead the charge against the ‘monstrous regimen’ of Scottish women who slayed the Gender Bill, with a little help from Alister Jack? Or would he rather spend his time fixing the economy and rebuilding Britain? I think we all know the answer.

And then Sommerville sat down, having promised to protect the democratic powers of “this, Scotland’s Parliament”. I could feel my eyes welling up, but it was just eye-strain caused by my cataracts. The questions that followed were predictable, according to the badge or scarf worn by the wearer. The ever-elegant Ash Regan, Alba's sole representative at Holyrood, wore her For Women Scotland Venus pin with pride, as she renewed her calls for the government to apologise. “Its conduct has fatally undermined public trust in government, and it has no one to blame for that but itself,” she said, stating the obvious, but with style.

SNP’s Big Book of Softball Questions

“Ooh, it’s mad Maggie,” whispered someone behind me, as the Scottish Greens equalities spokesperson rose. Maggie Chapman was unusually measured for a woman who once argued in the chamber that seven-year-olds should be allowed to change gender, asking only for the Cabinet Secretary to offer hope to trans people that they are valued. Sommerville oozed the SNP’s unique brand of compassion – all warm words and no substance. “I hope that my words today in some way reflect my concern about the trans community’s vulnerability at this difficult time and the government’s commitment on the issue.”

That will be similar to the commitment the government has shown to reducing drug deaths, the highest in Europe. There were 298 suspected drug deaths between January and March 2023 – 5 per cent higher than during the same period of 2022. Or the same hope they have just offered to the thousands of vulnerable families, homeless this Christmas, when they slashed the housing budget by £200 million on Tuesday in a move described by Shelter Scotland as “devastating".

I have never knowingly heard Evelyn Tweed, the MSP for Stirling, speak. I hope never to hear her again. In a question straight from the SNP’s Big Book of Softball Questions Volume 16, she simpered, “does the Cabinet Secretary agree that devolution is fundamentally flawed and that only full independence can ensure that Scotland’s democratic decisions are implemented?”

Later, waiting on the High Street for my bus home, I reflected on what I had just witnessed. Little wonder the school party that had taken up the front seats in the public gallery left after only 15 minutes. A community council on a wet Tuesday night in March would display more verve and dynamism than our MSPs, in “this, Scotland’s Parliament”. My nine-year-old granddaughter can frame an argument better than Somerville. A first-year law student could draft better legislation.

A senior political editor wrote last week that Scotland is enduring the “fag end of a fag end government”. On Wednesday, I watched a legislature on the cusp of its 25th anniversary that has spectacularly failed to live up to its early promise. With one or two honourable exceptions, it has become a job creation scheme for mediocre party activists. I doubt any of them – Sommerville, Chapman, Tweed, et al – spend much time on self-reflection. If only they did, perhaps then the people of Scotland would get the parliament they deserve and not this pantomime. Merry Christmas everyone.