Susan Morrison: The tale of Momma Mobile and the Bounding Brat

IS there a piece of European legalisation somewhere that says if you board a bus speaking on a mobile phone in the company of a small child, you can ignore the child?

Is it the law that other people are responsible for the safety of your kid when you are on a phone on, oh, say the Number 22 bus?

I'm only asking because I don't want to get fined or land in choky. I'd hate to get arrested because I don't know the law when it comes to a three year old boy with yellow wellies, red jumper and green upper lip leaping from seat to seat like a particularly active koala bear who'd been at the Irn Bru.

Mum was intent on a really important conversation on her mobile. I can tell you, and I am paraphrasing here, but that Darren has been a bit of an irresponsible chap and had indulged in fisticuffs with the wrong opponent. Clearly, these are matters of state, and far more important than making sure that your children aren't cannoning into elderly people trying to get on or off a bus.

You know what? Next time I see Momma Mobile and the Bounding Brat, I might break the law, and tell her to get her own kid under control. I could wind up in Cornton Vale, but if it means a quiet trip on the 22, I'll take the risk.

You will visit, won't you?

Keep close to the school bully, George

or he'll wipe that smirk off your face

LOOK, I know he's a Tory, but why does George

Osbourne have that weird lopsided smirk with

the strange sideways glance? He reminds me of

a particularly cheesy 70's game show host, or

that boy in every school who stood next to the

bully. Tush, silly me! He is standing next to the

school bully.

And is it just me, but is that terribly nice

Clegg boy getting smaller? Every time I see

him on the telly he seems to be shrinking. Do

you think he's getting enough to eat? I wonder

if a wee outward bound course at Lagganlia

might be good for him?