David Lee: When the Big Society is a tall order

THURSDAY evening was a Big Society night for me. Just before 6pm, I took my wife and youngest daughter to our primary school and helped set up for a Halloween Party, which my wife - as chair of the school's parent council - had organised.

At 7pm, I went to a swimming club committee meeting, but had to leave at 8:25pm to get to another committee meeting for the youth football club I help run.

I did not look forward to any of these events. I was overworked and stressed and did not want a night full of distractions - especially ones that would inevitably lead to more work and more distraction. I was at a point where my small part in the Big Society was becoming a Big Pain In The Backside.

Nobody had heard of the Big Society when three other dads and I founded our youth football club in 2003. It just seemed like a good idea at the time - and it was.

There was no outlet for five and six-year-olds in our town, and soon we had done our first SFA coaching badge and were running training sessions.

Just before Christmas, one of the coaches appeared with Father Christmas suits, which the coaches wore for training.

It was great fun - and before too long, the players started to show real improvement. So far, so good.

Roll forward seven years and some of those original boys are still with us, playing their first season of competitive football at under-13 level. Our club has started a new group of five-year-olds every year since and we now have eight age groups and 160 players. As well as a coach, I am the club secretary, which is a Big Job.

It is hugely satisfying to look back at what we have achieved - large numbers of our youngsters would otherwise not have been playing football and, in August, our club held its second Festival of Football.

More than 400 players from across East Lothian and Edinburgh took part and in excess of 1,000 people were at the event over the course of the day.

When I talked to a friend about it, he said events like this were the glue that holds communities together. He's right - but there are also times where that glue sticks to volunteers' fingers and becomes an irritant that is difficult to shake off.

This is perhaps the point where the Big Society becomes a Big Headache.

Those who volunteer are always in a minority; it is much easier to stand back among the crowd and criticise what went wrong rather than getting involved and trying to put it right. Some volunteers have thick skins and can take the criticism and flak.Not me.

Organising a football tournament, for example, takes an awful lot of time and effort - those who turn up on the day don't care about the innumerable phone calls, e-mails and texts, those last-minute dashes to B&Q to buy a bag of soil to fill in the rabbit-holes on the pitch, or sleepless nights worrying you have forgotten something blindingly obvious.

You have to live with the snide comments about the small things - the temperature of the coffee, the quality of the food and the cleanliness of the toilets, and (of course) the ability and eyesight of the referee.

As a coach, you often double up as a referee and take the bouquets and brickbats that go with it. Sorry, forget the bouquets - there aren't any. You'll be called a homer, an idiot, a blind man and a cheat - sometimes by friends.

We all make mistakes but the first time I genuinely thought about packing it in was when a parent from our club called me an idiot and a cheat. While "idiot" is a matter of opinion (and possibly valid at times), "cheat" pushed me over the edge. I replied with a robust Anglo-Saxon phrase of my own and left the pitch in an extremely angry and upset state.

In time, I decided the person concerned wasn't worth the bother and carried on as normal.

Several months later, while briefing parents on the details of a trip to a tournament in Merseyside, the same feelings bubbled up when I came in for Big Criticism. The tournament itself was a disaster in all respects - the roofs in the "budget" rooms leaked, the weather was awful and we failed to win a game.

One parent said it was a "never to be repeated experience".

This was a Big Low and another time when I came very close to giving everything up.

This week was another low - and before Thursday's meeting, I said I would prefer to stand down as secretary or at least get some help. Deafening silence followed.

Whenever I say this, everyone sits on their hands. It's no surprise, really - there is a real fear that playing a part in the Big Society might mean hard work (which it does if you take it seriously) or being corralled into a totally unsuitable job. Let's be frank - some voluntary groups do end up with innumerate treasurers, secretaries with no admin skills or chairpersons who are hopeless at running meetings.

Legal note: Any resemblance here to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The internal politics of committees puts people off, too. Janet can't stand Jimmy and does everything she can to undermine him. Margaret and Billy know Janet is a problem and want her out, but also realise she plays a crucial part in keeping the club running.So there are fierce arguments at committee meetings, a blizzard of e-mails, texts and phone calls in between, malicious gossip, Chinese whispers and recriminations - and nothing much gets done.

Or does it? For all the downsides and the dark days, football teams, swimming clubs and parent councils keep on functioning and there are plenty of rays of sunshine - the reminders of why you did it in the first place.

On Thursday night at 6pm, I was fed up. Yet scores of kids dressed as skeletons, ghouls and mummies had a brilliant time running around, playing games and apple-dooking at the Halloween party. The swimming club meeting had its lighter moments while starting to grapple with some serious issues and the football meeting was positive and forward-looking.

I am not sure how long my lighter mood will last. Probably until I write up the football club minutes and realise what a Big Pile of work I have to do.