Tunnock's Teacakes: The world would be a less joyful place without this Scottish culinary institution – Ameer Kotecha

News that profits have fallen sharply at Tunnock’s should prompt fans of its sweet treats to rally round, says Ameer Kotecha, author of The Platinum Jubilee Cookbook

The news that, amidst rising costs, profits are down 80 per cent at Tunnock’s, that esteemed manufacturer of Teacakes and Caramel Wafers, provoked a strangely sickening feeling in my stomach. Not unlike the physiological reaction I remember experiencing after consuming a couple of boxes of Teacakes at a Scout camp past.

The dozen-in-one-sitting practice is something I’ve confined to the reckless days of youth, but my love of the Teacake is undimmed. Teacakes they may be but they bear no resemblance to the yeasted fruit buns enjoyed in England with a scraping of butter. The name is not though a misnomer, for they do go jolly well with tea. Care has to be taken to place them a little distance from the cuppa, lest the heat melts their chocolate casing.

They are delicate things. I find it fun to unwrap them, never knowing whether the thin chocolate dome will be dented or punctured. They tend to end up totally flattened when packed in a bag for a picnic or hike. They’ve long proved a sticky business: exploding teacakes on the instrument panel of V-bombers provided crews with valuable insight into the effects of altitude pressure during Cold War test flights.

Cake or biscuit? No one’s quite sure

When you unwrap one to reveal a perfect, undamaged half-sphere, your day is just that little bit better. I brought a box out with me to Russia where I am now on a diplomatic posting: my Wedgwood plates and spice jars smashed in the suitcase but the teacakes were miraculously intact. It felt a heavenly sign.

In a world of shrinking chocolate bars and needlessly changing recipes, Tunnock’s knows when it’s got a good thing going and not to muck around. Like the Jaffa, nobody is entirely sure whether this confectionary is a biscuit or cake. The white gooey stuff is also technically not marshmallow ̶ as it contains no gelatin ̶ but rather a meringue of whipped egg white and sugar. A pleasing detail that, I think, puts clear water between it and the more disgusting marshmallowy products found across the pond. It also helps explain the otherwise peculiar popularity of Tunnock’s in the Middle East. The gelatin-free, halal confectionary’s biggest overseas market is Saudi Arabia.

Prices may have gone up of late but the Teacakes remain brilliant value at £1.10 for a half dozen. I know of few other things that give you as much bang for your buck in happiness points. Gleaming red and silver in their pretty foil, they also look the part at this time of year. Heck, I even turned them into baubles for my tree. And the coconut-covered Snowballs are practically made for Christmas.

I like to think the Teacake has a place at the grandest of occasions. For James Cleverly’s Christmas reception for the foreign diplomatic corps the year before last, I arranged for Tunnock’s to be paraded around on silver trays as petit fours. They went down a storm.

Caramel Wafer appreciation society

The brand is headed up by Sir Boyd Tunnock. His grandfather, Thomas Tunnock, founded the business in 1890 and Thomas’s son Archie invented the brand’s Caramel Wafer in 1952. Archie’s son, Sir Boyd, joined the firm in 1949 aged 16, serving his baker’s apprenticeship before going onto national service in the Catering Corps between 1954 and 1956. His greatest hour came in 1956 when he invented the Teacake. After being knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2019, Sir Boyd reported that Her Majesty had confided she preferred his Teacake to Archie’s wafer. The student had become the master.

Now 90, Sir Boyd still starts his working day at 6am. So proud is Sir Boyd of his Teacakes that whenever he comes across one in a foreign country or some unlikely place, he will march up to the counter and give the shopkeeper a crisp £20 in thanks. He also carries around a notebook with the accumulated wisdom of the family firm. It contains a small circle drawn on the inside cover, with which he measures the Teacakes’ biscuit bases to ensure they are just so.

The Caramel Wafer also has a devoted following. The University of St Andrews has an appreciation society with a respectable 1,200 social media followers. The wafers are devoured by sweet-toothed Kuwaitis, where they are known as 'boy biscuits’ after the face of the ruddy-faced Tunnock's boy on the box. Chris Martin, another fan, said that choosing between the wafer and the Teacake was like picking between Lennon and McCartney. One of each is a good solution. Both are wrapped without use of glue so the packing comes off cleanly. You can then carefully flatten out the sheet of foil and absent-mindedly practice origami while finishing off your tea.

The fortunes of the company have waxed and waned. Iconic status was in no doubt by 2014 when giant dancing Tunnock’s teacakes had a starring role at the Glasgow Commonwealth Games opening ceremony. With soaring sales in the aftermath, times at the company’s factory in Uddingston, Lanarkshire, were said to have never been sweeter. It is not clear how perilous the company’s current financial position is, but we must not risk them going the same way as the Caramac. Saccharine succour of the finest kind, the world would be a less joyful place without Tunnock’s in it. So let us eat and gift them liberally in the coming year. With a bit of help, the Willy Wonka of Tannochside can delight many more generations yet.

Ameer Kotecha is a British diplomat, and a writer on food, travel and culture. He has written for publications including The Spectator, Town & Country, Harper’s Bazaar and bon appétit. He is the author of The Platinum Jubilee Cookbook. You can find him on Twitter at @Ameer_Kotecha