GK - Cammy Jingle Bell
The sicknote Rangers ‘keeper may want a Wes Foderingham voodoo doll in his stocking this year.
DR - Mark Ho-Ho-Ho’Hara
DC - Alim Ozturk-ey
DC - Josh Three-Kings
DL - Jesus Garcia Tena
Meekings will have a hand in the cooking, while Ozturk can only find the oven from 40 yards.
DM - Jim Peace and Goodwin To All Men
DM - Prince Bauble
Goodwin’s name has to be the most ironic on this list.
MR - Billy Stoc-King
MC - Kris-mas Commons
ML - Osman Snow
Sow’s ambitions to play in England have left Hearts fans cold, while Commons may be carrying a little ‘holiday weight’ when Celtic travel to Tynecastle on Sunday.
FC - Sleigh Griffiths
He’ll need one for all the presents for the little ones.
Subs bench: Kevin McHolly, Kieran Tree-ney, Fraser Christmas C-Aird, Sant-any Stokes, Jonathan Franks-incense
Notable mentions: Brussel Anderson, Virgin Van Dijk, Danny Manger, Darren Rudolph, Evander snow, LuboMyrrh Moravcik, Rudolf Skacel