Tom English: ‘If Bill Miller’s statement doesn’t galvanise Paul Murray and his cohorts then nothing will’

WHEN do you know that this Rangers story is playing an unhealthily significant part in your life? When you start dreaming about it, that’s when. When you find yourself sitting in the black chair at Mastermind answering John Humphrys’ questions on your specialist subject – Bill Miller and the battle for Rangers football club.

That was the dream, but it was also a nightmare. I’m sitting there with Humphrys’ intimidating gaze upon me and I can’t get a single bloody point. He’s going, “What’s an incubator company?” and I’m going, “Pass”. He’s going, “Explain the mechanism by which Duff & Phelps can dilute Craig Whyte’s shareholding at Rangers and thereby reduce him to an irrelevance?” and again I’m going “Pass”. He hits me with this, “How many deadlines have come and gone in the takeover saga?” and I pass. “To the nearest year, how long has Bill Ng actually supported the Bears?” “Pass.”

The audience is lowering its eyes to the floor in embarrassment. “Which side is Ticketus on?” Humphrys asks. “Er, the Blue Knights,” I answer. “No, they switched again five minutes ago.”

“To the nearest million, how much do Rangers actually owe?” “Er, £100m,” I venture. Humphrys shakes his head in weary disdain. “Trick question,” he says. “Nobody knows the answer to that one.”

Two minutes later and I have scored the precise total of zero points with 15 passes. I return to my chair to the sound of one hand clapping and take my place alongside a lady who has scored 16 points on Byzantine art, a bloke who has scored 17 points on Aircraft of World War II and a dude with an extra large head who has hit the 20-mark on the Life and Times of Star Trek.

Rangers in my dreams, Rangers in my nightmares. On Friday, Miller’s statement landed and the hallucinogenic process began all over again. There have been many, many bizarre days since this saga began and Friday was right up there with any of them for ‘Wow’ factor. Miller’s statement was compelling in its audacity. Is Miller the real deal or some kind of stalking horse whose bid has been talked-up by Duff & Phelps in order to galvanise the Blue Knights and make them get their finger out?

Miller talks of an incubator company when any reasonable analysis has to conclude that he’s actually talking about liquidation or some strange hybrid of CVA and liquidation which will lead to a new company down the line. A new Rangers and a three-year ban from Europe to boot.

The very notion would have had Rangers diehards reaching for the valium on Friday night, the Knights chief among them. If Miller’s statement doesn’t galvanise Paul Murray and his assorted cohorts then nothing will. Maybe that’s the whole point. The administrators said on Friday evening that they weren’t expecting such a detailed pronouncement from Miller, but you’d have to imagine that they’re delighted he did it. “Put up or shut up” is the kind of language Duff & Phelps want to hear right now.

The trippy element of Miller’s statement was the conditions he attached to it despite Duff & Phelps being blue in the face from telling the bidders that they only want unconditional offers from now on. Miller’s conditions are brilliantly impudent. Before he takes another step forward he says he wants a commitment from the SFA and the SPL that Rangers will not face further “points deductions, fines or other punitive sanctions relating to either the terms of my purchase or the actions of the prior administrations beyond those levied during the 2011-12 season... I will not acquire the club unless I receive written assurances from both regulatory bodies to this effect”.

Yesterday, Paul Clark sought to water down Miller’s words, saying that all he is looking for is some kind of clarity as to the parameters of the potential punishment Rangers might face in the future should certain allegations against them be proven. But that’s not what Miller has said. He says, unequivocally, that he wants guarantees, not guidance. And he wants it in writing. And quickly.

Clark says Miller is making progress with the SFA and the SPL as he attempts to find out the nature of the landscape, but the information is that Miller has never spoken to Stewart Regan. How could Clark state yesterday that Miller is getting places with the SFA when, it is understood, he has not had a conversation with the chief executive? This thing grows ever more perplexing.

The administrators have been trashed by the supporters of late. They’ve been hammered by some of the bidders, too. You can see why. This is a process of shifting deadlines and no discernible decision-making and everybody is fed up. But the bidders must take responsibility for that, too. The Knights? Well, they were seemingly in pole position a week ago. They’d have had it to themselves had they met the £500,000 exclusivity fee, but they didn’t. Their (on/off) partners, Ticketus, wouldn’t pay it. The other Knights either wouldn’t or couldn’t find the money. Just how serious are these guys? Are they dead without Ticketus? Is there any substance to the Knights or is it just hot air? That is the question Miller posed on Friday. It’s a question the Knights need to find an answer to or else we can dismiss them as nothing more than a talking shop.

And Brian Kennedy? Well, he has added to the farce. He’s in one minute and then he’s out. He’s back in and then he’s back out. He said from day one that he has no interest in being a part of any consortium but now the chat is that he is talking to the Knights. We criticise the administrators for delaying the big decisions but with the bidders behaving the way they are you can see the problems they’re faced with. They must feel like they’re trying to handcuff lightning in trying to lock-in one of these parties.

Confusion reigns – and still nobody rules.