Black and white Fijian coverage an endearing return to a bygone age

SCOTLAND’s reduced standing in international rugby does have its positives. No longer do we have to suffer through the torture chamber of a Test series against some southern hemisphere heavyweight, ritually humiliated for the mild amusement of baying Boers and antipodeans not once but three times.

We now get to beat half-strength midweek Wallabies in provincial monsoon-blighted provincial towns. Then we’re off to the south seas safe in the knowledge that, if we do stick to the Scottish script and lose there, no-one will be watching. Well not quite no-one. It was on ESPN don’t you know. At 3am on Saturday morning. And what a treat it was. Yes Scotland won, but the real pleasure was the endearingly amateurish coverage. We were hardly expecting John Inverdale to appear with a necklace of flowers and inject some Beeb-style slick. However, it is 2012, even in Fiji I believe, so the grainy picture was a bit of a shock. As were the lurches into black and white, when you half expected a young Jim Telfer to emerge from the ruck. It was as ramshackle and quaint as the surroundings which were all grass bankings and colonial pavilions with shoogly table set out for the Scottish coaching team, who looked like judges at an agricultural show. The broadcasters were clearly very proud of their new-fangled instant replay system. Tim Visser’s first try was shown again from the same camera angle. Then again. Then around eight or nine times more in what was hopefully a sign of things to come from him.

You got the impression the commentator doubled as the island’s postman as he had all the gen on the Fijians. Or the “Flying Fijians” as he seemed contractually obliged to say every ten seconds. He was less au fait with the Scots. Richie Gray and Richie Vernon were interchangable, while Edinburgh’s Greig Laidlaw, we were told, played for “Glasgow Rangers”. So that’s Charles Green’s plan? Look out for the “newco” in the RaboDirect Pro12 next season. The co-commentator was clearly not from the Brian Moore school. So rare were his “contributions” that you completely forgot he was there until he piped up again 20 minutes later.

A bit like Eurovision it was best viewed in a state of semi-inebriation. If you missed out, worry not, it will surely be rerun in 20 years’ time on ESPN Classic.