Weird week: Jambo judge, Jack Nicholson’s fake ID, and a shaky chopper

• Standing up in court can be an intimidating task at the best of times (I’m told), especially if you’re the one under the scrutiny of the law.

So it was little surprise then, that Hibs stiker Garry O’Connor reportedly looked particularly nervous when he appeared before the sheriff in Haddington this week regarding alleged insurance fraud. Quite understandably so, after sheriff Colin McCrory admitted before the court that he was a stanch supporter of bitter rivals Hearts.

Sheriff McCrory told the court: “For the record, I should declare that I’m a season ticket holder at Tynecastle. Is there any objection to me dealing with this matter?

“I just thought it appropriate that I should disclose this. I also have some Hearts shares, which I think are probably worth less than Rangers shares at the minute.”

• When you’ve worked behind a bar for a while you become an absolute Jedi wghen it comes to spotting a fake ID. There are a number of tricks you start to look for; like why is this card covered in clingfilm rather than being laminated? Why does it smell like Pritstick? and above all, did Tesco Clubcards always have the holder’s age written in crayon?

Well one plucky fraudster decided to push it one further this week when he tried to open a bank account in Brazil using a fake ID card with Jack Nicholson’s picture on it.

That’s right, in order to remain anonymous Freire de Barros used a picture of one of the world’s most recognisable movie stars on his fake ID card in a bid to secure cash from the bank.

So far police have yet to confirm that Jack Nicholson is using de Barros’ passport.

• Staying in Brazil, an internet video shows what happens when you buy a helicopter from the pound shop. A chopper landing in the Para province began to rattle so violently that it shook itself apart. Miraculously, all four occupants excaped with only minor injuries.

• Ever worry that your arse isn’t fat enough? Me neither. But there are clearly a few people who do. A woman in Philidelphia could face charges over illegal buttocks enhancement injections. Just how bad do you have to feel about yourself before you pay a stranger to stab you in the backside?

Padge Victoria Windslowe apparently invites clients to a “pumping party” for anything upto £1100 (I’m assuming that’s not on a per cheek basis) and injects silicone into their buttocks, before covering the wound with glue. Still think we’ve got it rough with the NHS?

• Mice; if you live in a city centre, you’ve probably got them. Everyone has their own wee tricks when it comes to trapping your unwanted guests, but few can top Utah’s Christian Sunil Paul when it comes to the ultimate method of rodent removal. When he spotted a mouse in his pantry he took the all-American approach and pulled out a gun in an attempt to blow the pesky varmint away. Except he missed, drastically, firing straight through the wall and into his room-mate’s shoulder.

If you’re wondering how the 27-year-old managed to miss so badly, then look no further than the drug paraphenalia found when police arrived to arrest him. The room-mate was taken to hospital for treatment, but I’m afraid there’s no news on the wellbeing of the mouse.