#XmasTips How to make perfect sprouts:
1. Pour a pint of beer
2. Throw sprouts in the bin where they belong
3. Drink your celebratory beer
@RaginBotanist - All of the Christmas gifts I get nieces and nephews are really just investments in future kidney sources.
@neiltyson - Never understood why an overweight Arctic toymaker delivers Christmas gifts rather than representations of the Three Wise Men
@Jason_Spacey - I often wonder why the government treat us like complete idiots, but then I saw that Mrs Brown’s Boys had 9.7m viewers last Christmas.
@dannykellywords - Spare a Xmas thought for those less fortunate. Like Premier League players, some on just £30k a week, forced to train for 75 minutes this morning
@Oldfirmfacts1 - “How did you know?” asks a delighted Martyn Waghorn as he unwraps a controversial penalty.
@Iknowimyouridol - Rest in peace to everyone that lost their life and didn’t make it to Christmas. You will always be remembered.
@adamcuffe - Struggling to come to terms with how different Christmas is this year without certain loved ones. It doesn’t feel right, it’s really weird.
@DdotShifty - Christmas really is just meh once you’re not a kid anymore, if you don’t have your own kids/little brothers & sisters there’s no excitement
@Brodielinesx - I can’t deal with people that think Christmas is all about presents. It’s about family time and alcohol, just stop moaning.
@jeffreywyland - The best Christmas miracle would be for Donald Trump to drop out of the presidential campaign.
@PeaceofTheSouth - Don’t forget the troops who can’t come home to their families this Christmas because they’re out keeping us safe and free
@OMGitsAliA - That post-Christmas meal feeling where you’re so full you feel like if anyone touches you you’re going to explode.
@TicTocHolidays - Only bad thing about Christmas Day is I have to wait a whole year for another one.
@JamzLdn - When I was a little kid I would get £40 Christmas money and start thinking about getting my own place
@CommonWhiteGrls - I can’t wait for 10 years from now when my husband and I are being woken up by our kids Christmas morning to see what Santa brought them