A splits decision

After-hours lock-ins are frowned upon by the local police. And one came to a painful end in the most ridiculous of fashions . . .

It had been a long night and a competition among well-lubricated drinkers had started – the aim was to see who could leap the furthest along the length of the bar.

But the fun was noisy and soon two police officers were at the door, checking what was going on. The excuse “it’s a private party, we’ll quieten down” seemed to placate them. All would have been fine, except for Jason, one of the drinkers, who was determined to show off his long jump skills to the local bobbies. Unfortunately just as he was about to take off he stood on a discarded slice of lemon and literally did the splits along the whole length of the bar.

According to witnesses, he ended up walking with a limp for many months after.

Not everyone might approve, but go-go dancers turned out to be one way to lure in punters on a quiet afternoon. One in particular left little to the imagination.

One day it appeared she had been over-indulging and put on a little weight. Quizzed if she’d been overdoing it a bit, she shrugged and dismissed her swollen frame as simply water retention. She went on stage, completed her revealing act only to give birth two days later. . . and be back onstage after a fortnight.