Alex Salmond demands better jokes for his speeches

First Minister Alex Salmond. Picture: TSPL
First Minister Alex Salmond. Picture: TSPL
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FIRST Minister Alex Salmond has called for his advisers to write him better jokes - after an attempt at humour during a factory visit fell embarrassingly flat.

Salmond has demanded that his aides write one or two jokes for every event he attends, after a joke he told during a visit to Nigg Energy Park in the Cromarty Firth was met with silence from around 100 workers.

The leader of the SNP told employees that he had partnered American pro-golfer Phil Mickelson during the pre-tournament pro-am at last week’s Scottish Open.

“There were obviously a few nerves on the first tee when I was playing with Phil Mickelson,” Salmond told workers.

“But I soon put Phil Mickelson at ease and he was all right after that,” he added.

And it has emerged in the wake of Salmond’s visit that officials have been instructed to include “one or two” one-liners for use at public appearances.

The orders were revealed as part of a 200-page guide for dealing with Holyrood ministers.

It also states in the rule book that the First Minister should only be bothered with correspondence “where he personally is required to make a decision.”