Michael Feeney grabbed visiting chaplain Margaret Moore and berated her about the "disgraceful" golf course built inside Rochester Cathedral, and shouted "this isn't f***ing Disneyland."
The 67-year-old, who occasionally prays at 13th Century cathedral, was fuming that a free nine-hole golf course was installed in the nave of the Norman-period Cathedral.
Feeney, from Rochester, Kent, ranted at staff and visitors during his epic meltdown.
He shouted: "This isn't f***ing Disneyland, this is a f***ing Cathedral, this is a f***ing disgrace."
About 40 visitors including children were inside enjoying a novelty putting session when Cathedral worker Joseph Miller approached Feeney to see what the fuss was about.
Joseph managed to push him off before the police arrived and arrested Feeney, who visitors said was clearly drunk.
The Kent cathedral is one of many across the country that has been encouraging visitors this summer with unusual projects.
Feeney's rant happened at around midday on August 3, a week after the miniature golf course opened.
A remorseful Feeney pleaded guilty to riotous, violent or indecent behaviour in a churchyard and one count of common assault at at Medway Magistrates' Court in Kent yesterday (Tues).
His solicitor Ghulam Humayum said that Feeney does not describe himself as a churchgoer, but "he just found that there was something wrong."
Addressing magistrates, Feeney said: "Can I just say, I never hit anyone.
"I am extremely sorry, I am extremely ashamed about it. I am trying to be a nice person.
"I think you can go down to Rochester High Street and they will speak very nicely about me.
m not against the cathedral at all. I go there to pray sometimes."
He was handed a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered to pay £85 costs.
The crazy golf course closed last Sunday after 29,000 people picked up a club in the Cathedral since it opened.
The bid had a knock-on effect on general visitor numbers, with an 85 per cent increase since last year.
Rev Nathan Ward said: "The response to the crazy golf has been amazing.
"It was designed to engage local people, especially families, and welcome them into their community space."
He added: "The people who criticised the event probably didn't attend to experience it themselves.
"When any organisation does something new, some people find it uncomfortable which is sad. But actually, the response has been overwhelmingly positive."