Claire Black: I take the papers to the recycling bin and the meaning of life becomes clear

YOU may have noticed from the wide grins plastered on everyone’s faces that Scots are apparently amongst the happiest people in the UK (7.5 out of 10 of us). That’s according to the Office of National Statistics, and I say amongst because those in Northern Ireland are even happier (7.6). Londoners only scored 7.2. Miserable.

Yes, I feel a little suspicious that as we all head down the dumper economically suddenly everyone’s interested in “subjective well-being”, but no, I don’t want to rain on this particular parade. I like happiness. It’s a good thing, to be welcomed. As my old mate Aristotle used to say: “Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” Mind you, he also said, “Everything necessarily is or is not, and will be or will not be; but one cannot divide and say that one or the other is necessary.” Happy now?

Anyway, the happiness of 80,000 adults was discerned by giving marks out of 10 to the following four questions: How satisfied are you with your life nowadays? To what extent do you feel the things you do in your life are worthwhile? How happy did you feel yesterday? How anxious did you feel yesterday?

Since I wasn’t one of the 80,000 asked, I thought I’d take the test. I will score myself. I promise I won’t cheat.

Question 1: Satisfaction. Well, the other day I managed to remove all of the peel from an apple in one continuous piece. Not since I alphabetised my CD collection have I felt so fulfilled. 9/10

Question 2: Purpose. Of course, there are moments when I wonder about the meaning of my life. And then I take my newspapers to the paper recycling bin and it all becomes clear. 5/10

Question 3: Yesterday. There was a moment of elation when I managed to answer the security questions at the bank entitling me to £10 from my own bank account as I’d forgotten my wallet. 8/10

Question 4: Anxiety. I thought the house was going to fall down when the bus rattled past. I feared the coffee pot might explode when I put it on the hob and the shower would leak into the downstairs flat while I washed. I also thought a dog was going to bite me on Leith Links. Apart from that I was fine. 3/10

Scores on the doors: 6.25. You might be surprised but I’m quite happy with that.

NOT only can Beyoncé do the Single Ladies dance while singing Single Ladies, a superhuman feat by anyone’s standards, she has yet again proved that she is, well, the best. Just weeks after Facebook removed photographs of women breastfeeding because their breasts were visible (I swear I’m not making that up) Beyoncé breastfed her daughter, Blue Ivy, while having lunch in a New York restaurant. One small baby satisfied, one massive positive public health example. We love you Queen Bey.

I CONFESS I often keep my eyes firmly on the ground when walking in Edinburgh to avoid any tram-related debris, but between now and 18 March I will risk life and limb by looking up at some of the city’s finest buildings all for the sake of enLIGHTen-ment. The new project will see the esteemed words of Enlightenment thinkers beamed on to buildings in the city centre between 6pm and midnight. Delightful. «