Sketch: Horror of political future haunts a spooky City basement

THE official London Horror Tour doesn't take tourists through the City, but as the election goes on, its organisers should consider diverting there.

The UK capital holds few terrors as frightening as the events put on by the political parties in the murky basement of Bloomberg Tower.

Last week, the Lib Dems were there to unveil the "elephant man" – Treasury spokesman Vince Cable – talking about the ugly truths a future government faces. Yesterday, in the same grim location, Labour's hierarchy introduced us to the Ghost of Budget Future.

In an event appropriately orchestrated by the Dark Lord, Peter Mandelson, we were taken forward to 25 July, 2010, the day after a Tory emergency Budget.

The fake broadcast told of streets and communities left undefended as 2,400 police lost their jobs; empty classrooms as 14,200 teachers were chopped; 57,000 more people on the dole because of Tory cuts; and England about to lose on penalties to Germany in the World Cup. Scary stuff – especially if you are English.

Then we stared through the gloom to see the ghosts of Labour's present sitting there: Lord Mandelson joined by Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling. All three have been there from the beginning of the New Labour project and now hope to be "hanging" in at the end on a Lib Dem rope.

But nobody was interested in the Tory apocalypse.

What about that nice, sunny chap Nick Clegg?

Would Mr Brown like to serve in government with him, or the elephant man for that matter? "Well, I know something about having a short honeymoon period," the Prime Minister said hopefully. "I think we go through these phases – I wish him (Clegg] well in it – but at the end of the day, there are serious questions to be answered."

That's serious questions like whether he, as the leader of the third most popular party, would be willing to serve under prime minister Clegg in a coalition.

But even in the Bloomberg basement, that was too horrible for Mr Brown to contemplate.