Drumlanrig: The missing link in David's food books

David Miliband, he of the famous bananaman photo, should really know to stay away from any food-related public events.

Drumlanrig understands the former foreign secretary had some serious difficulty getting to grips with the ins and outs of Greenock's world-famous cuisine when he made a by-election visit to the Clyde coast last week. According to one source, upon visiting a local butchers, Miliband was offered a gift of some local Lorne sausage by the patron - which he is said to have then described as a nice-looking "square burger". Is this true? No, insists a Labour official who reveals that Miliband's confusion was actually over the use of the word "piece" to describe the fat-and-carbohydrate-based Scottish snack he was being offered.

THOSE IN THE KNOW DO NOT WANT TO KNOW

The search for a new Scottish Labour leader goes on. Backers of former MSP turned MP Margaret Curran are now pushing her forward as a potential successor to Iain Gray. Even further afield, MEP David Martin is also being spoken of as a potential contender. Only at Holyrood itself does the trail run cold for a suitable successor. But then the MSPs have the advantage over their colleagues at Westminster and Brussels in knowing what the next victim, apologies, incumbent, will have to face.

WHAT A SHOCK! A LIB DEM WITH A BACKBONE

Who says that Lib Dems have no backbones? The new leader, Willie Rennie, below, was runner-up in the Scottish Coal-Carrying Championships held in his home town of Kelty back in 2006. The trick in this gruelling event, according to Rennie is to "keep the head down and start off slowly and watch those in front fall over as you plod on relentlessly".

Unfortunately, the demands of leadership mean that Rennie has not entered this year's event, which took place yesterday.

"In any case, my back's jiggered," Rennie said before reassuring people that his back problems had nothing to do with Lib Dem spinelessness following their coalition with the Tories.

SNP MAKE ROOM FOR LITTLE NEIGHBOURS

The scale of the SNP's victory was such that they have taken over a huge number of offices at Holyrood. The Lib Dems had their eye on a room on the third floor of the MSPs' block which their back room staff occupied in the last parliament.

Their hopes were dashed, however, when the SNP decided to commandeer the office. Lib Dem complaints about the SNP throwing their weight about were short-lived, though. The SNP took pity on their neighbours and went round to the Lib Dems with a box of chocs and offered them the office back.