Brown's own goal

The Prime Minister has used Wayne Rooney's recovery from injury as a metaphor for the economy, but an examination of Mr Brown's record as treasurer and latterly manager of UK (dis)United makes for dire reading.

Selling the club's assets at well below market value was not a wise move, but is only one example of the financial misjudgments that have resulted in players having to buy their own strips and boots, and the directors have so abused the tea and biscuit fund that chocolate digestives are only a distant memory.

The long-suffering fans know their team is struggling near the bottom of the league, despite being told they are title contenders.