MICHELLE Mone, the country’s foremost self-publicist and spokeswoman for the nation’s Beautiful People, has threatened to leave the country and take her business to London if the unwashed vote for independence.
“Everything would go (t**s?) up,” she said, the diva-max clearly experiencing an economic analysis blonde moment. Apparently, it has escaped the attention of the multi-millionairess that the price of food, diesel, gas, electricity, train fares has risen more than a tad upwards in the UK.
Obviously, Ms Mone has been too busy developing Ultimo’s DreamWire bra to keep abreast of the SNP’s policy towards entrepreneurs. Happy to be of assistance, I can confirm that it is the Scottish Government’s declared aim to reduce business tax, an economic lever denied the First Minister by David Cameron. In the event of Scotland leaving the rest of Britain, relocating to London to pay higher corporation tax and enhanced salaries to staff would prove the Scottish bra queen enjoys the type of shrewd business sense that made the Darien Scheme such a success.
Until Ms Mone’s intervention, voters participating in the 2014 referendum would have gone to the ballot box contemplating trivial matters like EU and Nato membership, currency issues, fiscal autonomy and North Sea oil revenues. Not now. The real issue is whether the Scottish electorate are prepared to bear the heavy responsibility of taking a decision that would lead to Michelle Mone OBE becoming an economic refugee. Forget a second question on the ballot paper – under pressure from civic Scotland, the Electoral Commission may demand a third question: “Do you wish Michelle Mone to embark on self-imposed exile?” In my opinion, posing such a question could only boost the turnout.
“I don’t think we can survive on our own,” said Scotland’s bra heart, sorry, less than braveheart. The words of Rabbie Burns come to mind: “Cowrin’, timorous beastie, o, what a panic’s in thy 36DD breastie!” Her lack of faith in the country being able to make its own way in the world is in stark contrast to her comments published last week, when she praised “the millions of pounds worth of investment and commitment” that have gone into the regeneration of Glasgow. She gushed that the city was rated one of the top 12 places in the world to visit by the New York Times. It’s somewhat ironic that international companies such as Amazon and Mitsubishi believe in Scotland more than Ms Mone.
The public is tired of celebrities making threatening noises in order to influence the democratic process. Remember Michael Caine’s vow to leave Britain? Unfortunately it proved to be something of an empty promise, as his fellow residents of Leatherhead, in Surrey, would attest. Ms Mone’s dramatics, like Jeremy Paxman’s patronising interviews with the First Minister, merely act as a recruiting sergeant for independence. If she continues to denigrate Scotland, I’ll be delighted if she burns her bra and heads south.