Drumlanrig: Donald Trump in cross-hairs at Turnberry

Donald Trump visited the RICOH Woman's British Open at Turnberry. Picture: John Devlin
Donald Trump visited the RICOH Woman's British Open at Turnberry. Picture: John Devlin
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WHAT larks there were when The Donald (plus his hairdo) appeared last week at his latest Scottish project – a certain championship golf course and hotel that with his customary modesty he has renamed “Trump Turnberry”.

As the favourite to be the Republican candidate in the US presidential elections, The Donald was bombarded with questions on a plethora of subjects, including his attitude towards big game hunting – a question triggered by the killing of Cecil the Lion by US dentist Walter Palmer in Zimbabwe.

The outrage over the killing appeared not to have reached The Donald, who spoke proudly of how much his two sons enjoyed hunting. Mercifully, he had the sense to add that he did not necessarily agree with killing endangered species when pressed on the issue.

But perhaps the best comment linking Trump to Palmer’s cruel act was a tweet sent by Rab Florence of the BBC comedy show Burnistoun. “@real Donald Trump. Which dentist shot that thing on your head?” Florence wondered.

Sewel’s act may yet prove noteworthy

THE only man to overshadow Donald Trump in terms of headline-grabbing behaviour last week was Labour’s Lord Sewel. His exposure as an enthusiastic user of both cocaine and prostitutes saw jaws drop almost as quickly as the noble lord’s Y-fronts.

By being photographed snorting coke off the naked body of a member of the world’s oldest profession, Sewel may have managed to succeed in doing something that even Lloyd George (another noted ladies’ man, pictured left) failed to do.

Drumlanrig is not, of course, referring to any specific act of sexual athleticism but about doing something so noteworthy that it could yet result in reform of the House of Lords.

Cheque mate

THE photographic evidence of sordid goings-on in Lord Sewel’s London flat revealed an intriguing detail of the business done between client and escort. There was a picture of Sewel, clad only in his underwear (looked like M&S’s finest) and brandishing his chequebook when he settled the £200 bill, which appears to be the cost of a drug-crazed night of passion with a couple of hookers.

Given that Sewel is from the North-east, one wonders if the cheque was for an account in the Granite City. And, if so, what his Aberdonian bank manager would have made of the transaction. One imagines that Sewel might have been advised that he could get a better deal down by the harbour.

Referendum Trumpetings rumble on

AT THE risk of this column being rechristened Trumplanrig, Drumlanrig is unable to resist another dig at The Donald. Trump opened up with both barrels (metaphorically speaking) when asked whether he thought holding a second independence referendum would be a good idea. “Ridiculous,” thundered The Donald, ensuring plenty of headlines in the Scottish press. One journalist at the Turnberry press conference was so excited that he tweeted a link to his story on the internet saying: “Donald Trump says indyref II would be ‘ridiculous’.” One of his rivals replied: “And what is your evidence?” To which the hack responded: “My evidence? Trump said it...”

“No you fool, I AM the evidence,” retorted the rival, who was recalling Trump’s memorable appearance in front of a Holyrood committee in 2012. When asked to present “empirical evidence” to demonstrate that wind farms would result in Scotland’s destruction, Trump simply said: “I am the evidence...” – as if that explained everything. «