Stranger Things monster is behind Mossmorran flaring

The young inabitants of Hawkins, Indiana, would feel right at home in the Kingdom of Fife now that the giant Mind Flayer from Stranger Things has apparently taken up residence

Under a blood red sky, workers downed tools this week at that giant Bunsen burner, Mossmorran in the Kingdom of Fife.

Safety fears at the Exxonmobil petrochemical plant were compounded by the admission from environmental watchdog Sepa that air pollution monitors – three folk with their fingers in the air – had not been working properly.

Reports of huge flaring (looks up flaring) that could be seen as far away as Parise, meant the area around Cowdenbeath and Lochgelly was like a ‘scene from Apocalypse Now’ as former football commentator Archie Macpherson once said.

Flaring at the Mossmorran ethylene plant has lit up the sky over Fife (Picture: PA)

Huge flaring which could be seen from Edinburgh caused concern as Mossmorran che...

Teenage climate change activist Bella Emberg? Rita Hayworth?...sorry Greta Thunberg has jumped on her Raleigh Chopper and is winging her way over from Stockholm as we speak.

I’ve cleared the spare room at the Southfork Mansion in Crossgates for her and offered to run Oor Greta up to the plant two miles away, in the trusty Toyota Auris (diesel) 2011 plate.

Perhaps we can get Greta to do the half-time draw at the next Cowdenbeth home game but make sure she leaves before the stock cars arrive.

Awkward.

Glow sticks and drum ‘n’ bass

Climate Camp Scotland are believed to be heading to Mossmorran in the summer and will no doubt be welcomed with open arms by the locals fed-up at being shamelessly ignored by the Scottish Government and just about everyone else. I plan to visit and will bring them some glow sticks to go with the drum ‘n’ bass music while offering them a selection of tray bakes from a local garden centre.

I’m also hearing the nearby Coaledge Tavern is planning to offer a vegan option to go with their excellent selection of filled rolls.

This should juxtapose nicely a few months ahead of the UN COP26 climate change conference to be held over there in the Weeg this November. No doubt Nicola Sturgeon will be all over that high-profile event but has paid scant attention to the developing environmental nightmare in Fife.

Meanwhile, a public meeting was held by the Mossmorran Action Group (MAG) last night at Lochgelly Town Hall. Roseanna Cunningham, Cabinet Secretary for Environment, Climate Change and Land Reform, and Paul Wheelhouse the Minister for Energy, Connectivity and the Islands were not expected to attend a decision described by MAG chairman James Glen prior to the event as “a deafie”.

Good for you James – go on my man – get intae them. It will be interesting to hear your excuse for not sharing the platform ‘Roseanna, Roseanna’.

And, it’s not the Islands needing your help here Mr Wheelhouse, for the future of the Kingdom is at stake. Perhaps the Scottish Government could send the Minister responsible for getting pea and ham soup from a chicken instead, in the hope they expend more energy than this former Tory, Wheelhouse character.

Needless to say no-one from the Fife ethylene plant was set to attend either and MAG said apologies from the plant’s management did “not pacify terrified children or make up for sleepless nights or aggravated breathing conditions”.

I can assure you there’s plenty of terrified adults out there as well. I’ve been hiding behind the sofa Doctor Who-style to avoid seeing the plant from my living-room window and there’s definitely been a funny smell.

Sepa admitted pollution monitors around the Mossmorran plant have been failing with figures showing at least one of its three monitoring sites was not working during 13 days in January. Who’s running things up there? Homer Simpson?

This Mossmorran shenanigans has been at the top of my in-tray since last week dear readers, when I thought they were filming season four of that Netflix programme Stranger Hings, the one with the giant Mind Flayer.

I drove past the plant through Auchtertool at the height of the flaring, on my way to Kirkcaldy where the good people at the Rejects store had arranged a special night-time opening to allow me to shop in peace.

The Big Light

It was a terrifying experience like being close to a plane crash and at one point I thought I was back in ’Nam at the height of Operation Rolling Thunder. There was absolutely no need to turn the Auris headlamps on as the place was glowing and my sense of amazement quickly turned to anger that this has been allowed to go on.

The Big Light has been forced upon us – Not in my back gairden (NIMBG). How dare they.

The blood has been fair boiling ever since as my gut feeling is the good people of Cowdenbeath, Lochgelly and surrounding areas including the mighty Crossgates are being royally shafted.

If this was Edinburgh the middle-classes would be tripping over themselves in the rush to advocacy with letters and prominent people buttonholed.

They’d be organising petitions, firing letters off to all and sundry while protesting their green credentials.

Come to think of it James Glen from MAG should contact Edinburgh City Council and ask them if there’s any possibility of them taking a smaller version of the Mossmorran plant into Princes Street Gardens.

This could form part of their Edinburgh’s Winter Festival celebrations, replacing the giant ferris wheel, as a stunning light installation that would save them a fortune on fireworks.

Stranger Things monster is behind Mossmorran flaring – Kevan Christie