Quality is the key to relationships

The vast majority of us have at least one close friend, but it is significant that one in ten does not. Picture: AP

A NEW study of more than 5,000 people in the UK has lifted the lid on the state of our relationships. Published by Relationships Scotland, the country’s leading relationship support organisation, in partnership with Relate, The Way We Are Now 2014 is one of the largest studies of its kind. It provides a window into the most important areas of our lives – from couple and family life to sex, friendships and interactions at work.

Our study finds some concerning statistics around how close we feel to others, including one in ten people saying they don’t have a single close friend and one in five rarely or never feeling loved in the two weeks before the survey.

The Way We Are Now 2014 also finds a strong connection between our relationships and our personal wellbeing. It seems that, even in today’s fast-paced and ever-changing world, relationships still act as shock absorbers when times are hard and also help us to achieve our goals. Crucially, our study finds that people who enjoy good quality relationships also have higher levels of wellbeing, whilst relationships of poor quality are detrimental to wellbeing, health and how we feel about ourselves.

Our new study, carried out by YouGov, examines the quality of our relationships, showing a clear link between our personal relationships and our wellbeing. Whilst there is much to celebrate, the results around how close we feel to others are very concerning. There is a significant minority of people who claim to have no close friends, or who never or rarely feel loved – something which is unimaginable to many. Relationships are the asset which can get us through good times and bad, and it is worrying to think that there are people who feel they have no-one they can turn to during life’s challenges. We know that strong relationships are vital for both individuals and society as a whole, so investing in them is crucial.

The key findings from our report paint a rich picture of Scotland’s work, sex and family life:

Changing face of family life

• One in six has experienced the breakdown of their parents’ relationship (18 per cent)

• 63 per cent think money worries are one of the biggest strains on a relationship

Divorce rates have risen significantly over the past 50 years, leaving generations of children, young people and adults working out how to navigate family life after separation. But families of all shapes and sizes can and do have good quality relationships – it might just take some extra effort. A significant majority (63 per cent) say that money worries are one of the biggest strains on family relationships. Older people are more worried about money, with 69 per cent of those aged 65 and over saying money worries were a major strain, compared with only 37 per cent of 16-24 year olds (UK wide).

Partners: enduring love

• Nine out of ten people have a good relationship with their partner (91 per cent)

• One in ten people in a relationship (18 per cent) never or rarely felt loved in the two weeks before the survey.

The vast majority of us in relationships feel close to our partners, but there are also some concerning statistics in this section. The numbers of us who rarely or never feel loved are worryingly high.

Sex: a nation divided

• One in four people is dissatisfied with their sex life (24 per cent)

• One in four people report having an affair (25 per cent)

With a quarter of us being dissatisfied with our sex life it’s clear that, for many people, things aren’t as good as they could be.

Work: a delicate balancing act

• One in three people says their bosses believe the most productive employees put work before family (33 per cent)

• 64 per cent of people have a good relationship with their boss

• 43 per cent of people have no friends at work

Even though many of us enjoy good relationships with our bosses, it’s clear that for a significant minority, work and family life seem to be incompatible. This is especially worrying in an age where the boundaries between home and work are increasingly blurred, with many working from home and being connected to e-mail out of normal working hours.

Friends: I’ll be there for you

• Nine in ten people have at least one close friend (92 per cent)

The vast majority of us have at least one close friend, but it is significant that one in ten does not. There are also some differences between men and women when it comes to friendships: women are more likely to have high-quality friendships than men, and women also report that their friendships improve with age, whereas for men this remains static throughout life.

Relationships and wellbeing

• 81 per cent of people who are married or cohabiting feel good about themselves, compared with 70 per cent who are single

• 89 per cent of those who described their relationship as very good reported feeling good about themselves

The study finds a clear link between high-quality relationships and high levels of wellbeing. But simply being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee that people will feel good about themselves: single people feel better about themselves than those in average, bad or very bad relationships, suggesting it’s the quality of the relationship that has an impact.

I hope that our report will be used to frame the debate around the role and importance of relationships in our everyday lives. Relationships are not to be taken for granted – they need nurture and support. If we want to reap the significant benefits of a society with relationships at its heart, we must ensure our busy lives make room for nurturing and improving our personal relationships.

• Stuart Valentine is chief executive of Relationships Scotland.

The full relationship report can be read at http://bit.ly/waywearenow