Mum’s The Word: Water Music

Middle Child heads for the shower just ahead of me, resplendent in his Ken Barlow kimono, rescued from his pal’s mum’s recycling bag (“I know. What was she thinking, ditching this?” he said at its unveiling. “Smell it. Patchouli. The Seventies. Mmmm”).

Aw no. He’ll be in the shower until he’s as wrinkled as a crinkle cut crisp – like the ones he’s carrying. Crisp-eating is only one of his repertoire of shower activities that enrage the rest of the household (OK, me).

Meditating: “If you sit on the floor, back to the tiles, close your eyes and let the water fall on your head, you can imagine you’re in a tropical rainforest. Soooo relaxing.”

Sleeping: “You can get a good sleep in the shower. Sit down and you won’t drown because the sides keep you upright. It’s as if you had fallen asleep on a beach somewhere hot and it started to rain lightly on your relaxed body. It’s good for your mind and you have nice dreams.”

Eating: “Crisps are good because of the plastic packet and they don’t get soggy if you’re careful and fast. Plus the crumbs are washed away which is a bonus.”

And his latest outrage, playing the electric guitar: “You get fantastic acoustics. It’s the place to experiment with sound. Obviously you can’t plug it in because that would be dangerous.”

So it would. But what a way to go. So tempting...