Leader: Savings? What savings?

DETAILED plans to outsource services supplied by Edinburgh Council were scrapped yesterday – the second such occasion in recent months that outsourcing of council services has been vetoed.

Scene: Office of Sue Bruce, council chief executive. ENTER: Jenny Dawe, council leader.

JD: More bad news, I’m afraid, Sue. It’s about the Denigrated Management Facilitator.

SB: Pull yourself together, Jenny. You’re babbling. Management what?

JD: Denigrated Management Facilitator?

SB (sighs): You mean the Integrated Facilities Management.

JD: Yes, of course, that’s the thing, the 2,000 pen-pushers. We were all set to move them out, remember? Well the SNP, our so-called coalition partners, have struck again. Voted down. Totally irresponsible.

SB: So Salmond’s been on the phone to Cardownie again? In, out, shake it all about. Who’s running this show?

JD: Not us, Sue. Maybe you should have a word with Unison.

SB: But what about the savings?

JD: What savings?

SB (sobbing): The £51.5 million to pay for the trams and keep the lights on!

JD: Oh, those? (eyes suddenly brighten) Switch off the lights?