John Gibson: Where is our Sherlock monument?

This American visitor sidles up to me while I’m watering the horse and asks: ‘‘Are you a local man?’’ Aye, for sure. ‘‘Then what have you done with Sherlock Holmes? We believe he’s Edinburgh-born, a world folk hero. What’s happened to the monument? Where is it?’’

The tourist barely believed me when I had to admit I hadn’t a clue. He stood in stone in Picardy Place, close to his birthplace ,and was ‘‘removed’’ to accommodate the trams.

Shame on the abductors who’ve had Sherlock stashed away somewhere. This is crying out for detective work.

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Presumably Benedict Cumberbatch, who plays Holmes in the TV show, is just as mystified, nay intrigued, and he’ll raise the missing monument when he joins a Sherlock Masterclass panel at the Edinburgh Television Festival.

It’s oat cuisine

Is that a can of corned beef you’ve got stuffed down your trousers, or are you just glad to see me? A shoplifter pleaded guilty to nicking 27 cans of it from a shop in Wales.

He’s doing an eight-month stretch and we have to hope he had access to a tin-opener. Which brings me, logically, to somebody with his oats.

Good to know that Nairn’s, the Edinburgh oatcake makers of renown, have recruited what seems to be the ideal man for the job. Paddy Cronin is the firm’s new UK sales director.

Paddy’s timing is perfect. Things are buzzing down at Peffermill. Oatcakes are recommended by health experts.