John Gibson: Ring of no confidence for Kath

Hankies out, everybody! Katherine Jenkins is suffering from cold bed syndrome. She broke down in tears – well, it’s the fashionable thing to do, crocodiles being plentiful – at the start of her UK tour, telling her first-night audience her engagement to some TV presenter had been called off and singing a song with the line “living in your empty bed”.

Nowt like a right good bubble to clear the 31-year-old chanteuse’s tubes. “All your hugs and support will be much appreciated,” she told her fans. Your chance to hug and support her arrives on January 19 at the Playhouse.

Hopefully the tears will have dried up by then. But take a wad of tissues with you, just in case.

Meantime, can I just have a word in her lovely lobe​? I used to suffer from an empty bed at Royal Air Force Padgate, where our considerate drill sergeant tipped us out every morning at 5am. Never did me any harm, I’m saying on reflection.

Oh, and Katherine, what’s happened to that £10,000 solitaire engagement ring your fiance gave you? Perhaps donated to charity?

Vessel no do

Awesome. One look at the 130,000-tonne Disney Fantasy on her launch from a German shipyard this week and I reached for a life raft. Made me feel queasy. Too big a hulk to be true.

But this cruise liner is for real. She sure won’t welcome the hoi polloi aboard. It’s altogether different from sailing a yacht on Inverleith Pond. You won’t be seeing her meandering up the Forth. She’d just nudge Inchkeith out of the way.

She’ll carry 4000 passengers. If I can give you some idea of how monstrous this vessel is, Hibs played to 2760 souls at in the cup at Cowdenbeath on Saturday, for gawd’s sake!

Free round-the-world trip for every reader of this column if Hibs do win the cup.