John Gibson: Okay, let’s give him a knighthood

Here’s what Titch has been saying of Prince Charles: “I first met him in 1985. We both think quite highly of each other. He’s the hardest-working man I know.

“He’s passionate about this country and the people within it. If we judged all our friends by a failed marriage, we would not have many friends. He’s a good egg.’’

Titch, your OBE’s in the post! Make that a knighthood. He has produced a book titled Elizabeth: Her Life, Our Times. Some day he’ll move into Buck Palace, with Nick Witchell next door.

You’re joking

Dapper Des O’Connor declaring: “I’ve been in this industry for about 1800 years and it’s really changed in that time. I mean, people used to be entertained by public flogging and hangings and bear baiting and stuff, whereas now you have The X Factor. But there weren’t any short cuts to fame when I started.” He is back working at the London Palladium and no, Des, above, you weren’t around 1800 years ago. But your gags were.

Afterwords ...

... riotously funny: what did one pig say to the other pig? Let’s be pen pals. Yes, this is what’s known as scraping the barrel. Always been a bit of a ham, one has to admit.