John Gibson: Now it has to be of the right stuff

Will Crombie’s open a branch in Stornoway for their award-winning sausages? The thought occurs now that I’d heard that any day now it will be illegal to market ‘‘Stornoway black pudding’’ unless the butcher is operating within a five-mile radius of Stornoway itself.

Same applies with, for example, Arbroath smokies. Smacking his lips, Rural Affairs Secretary Richard Lochhead is plunging into what may be construed, tongue-in-cheek, as a grubby area. This specific black pud will be added to a European list of protected food names.

Comments Jonathan Crombie, co-director of the Broughton Street butchers: “Butchers up there have been campaigning for years for this and it’s no more than Charles Macleod and his associates deserve. We’ve long sold his black pudding here. I mean, would you expect to find Arbroath smokies in Kirkcaldy?”

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Seriously, would Crombie’s open a branch in Stornoway, flogging their award-winning bangers? Jonathan stifles a smile: “Don’t give me ideas. But I should remind you that our sausages, like a few others, do contain excellent nutrients.”

And I always thought a banger is a banger is a banger.

Plot thickens

A reader, Demented of Duddingston, writes: “You seem to be losing the plot. Is this true?” Gibson replies: Somehow I can’t remember where I put it, the plot.

Afterwords . .

. . . Don’t tell me. I should have more important things to ponder than the nail-biting question posed by a London national paper. Where have all the hedgehogs gone?