John Gibson: ‘Ello, ‘ello, get off your bikes

God knows what Dixon, the curmudgeonly copper who patrolled Dock Green, would have said about this. The boys in blue have gone back to patrolling on foot because their they can’t afford to service their bikes in Brompley, London.

The maintenance contract is now handled by the Metropolitan Police. Bad news. The Met’s reputation has been sullied frequently this past year or two.

No ordinary copper, Dixon was seldom seen with out his bicycle clips. An easy rider, he made it all the way to sergeant. No desk job for him, he maintained law and order virtually by himself.

Blair brushing

There’s only one way to find out, as Doctor Harry Hill would say – fight! Wrinklier of the two – the Stones’ Keith Richards, right, or Tony Blair? Keith doesn’t give a damn. Our former PM does. Or Cherie does. The airbrushers didn’t do a good job on the ex-PM for the Emirates Dinner. Standing alongside, Ed Miliband was grinning (like a Cheshire cat) and bearing it.

Stamp it out

Words to savour: “My first job was private secretary to Edinburgh architect Charles Donaldson. I resigned by lunchtime after spending that morning after licking 100 stamps,” recalls Pippa Brooks-Donaldson. Pippa who?