John Gibson: Bawbees to be made by Lord P

Just a matter of time, is it not, before his lordship is on his bike? Lord Patten’s stint as chairman of the BBC Trust will surely trundle to a close any day now

Meantime, he keeps costing us plenty. Latest delve into his exes for the last year reveal that his taxi bill for the past year was £3,800. Mister Smug, who has even sacrificed his chauffeur-driven chariot, lives in a modest £3 million but ‘n’ ben in swankier London.

He was the guv’nor in Hong Kong and left his mark there, the locals recall. What, exactly, is his function at the BBC? Oh, and he surely dreams of the golden handshake. Life is grand. Meantime, his response to a query about how much time he devotes to his BBC commitments, apart from the ten other jobs he holds in the Lord’ Register: “I think it’s a thoroughly impertinent question.”

Come in, m’lud. Your time’s up. Fancy an after-dinner speech in Edinburgh? Big bawbees to be trousered here.

The stand-in gets his hand in

Hand gestures in the extreme. You’ve been warned. Anything less than a 100-inch screen and your telly’s kaput for the Andrew Marr Show this Sunday.

It’s James Lansdale’s turn as stand-in and the Beeb’s deputy political editor’s affliction is that, much to viewers’ annoyance, he cannot control his hand.

They’ve got a mind of their own. They’ll be flailing all ever the screen come Sunday. Can’t you take tablets for them, James? If not, try the ointment.

Afterwords . .

. . . A hero of mine talking, the tenor-saxophonist Sonny Rollins, pictured: “I stopped watching television three years ago. It’s been wonderful. I found it a complete drain on the brain, and not watching it feels like a big cloud has been lifted from my mind.”