Janet Christie on parenting: ‘Yes, I have been smoking. I’m an adult and if I choose to smoke, I will’

But then I fell off the wagon and back on the fags.

However, the upside is that nothing will put your children off something more than if you do it yourself. Want them to give up on that crazy walnut whip parting? Get out the comb. Misogynistic gangsta rap? Download it onto your iPod. Want them to think tobacco is an evil, addictive weed? Smart smoking.

If they hadn’t been chuffing fags, despite the grounding, withholding of pocket money, nagging, sobbing, gnashing of teeth, I wouldn’t have given in to temptation. The trouble is, they’ve stopped and I haven’t.

Middle Child bursts into my room. “Have you been smoking?”

“Yes.”

“You have, haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I can smell it.”

“Yes, I have been smoking. I’m an adult and if I choose to smoke, I will.”

“Well you’re not behaving like an adult. It’s so bad for you. You told us that.”

“And did you listen?”

“Eventually.”

“Well, keep nagging. I’m sure it’ll work on me too.”

“You’ve let us down. But most of all … you’ve let yourself down,” he says, filling up.

Oh not, not tears. I give in. I’ll give up. I’m sure alcopops will be more fun.