Coronavirus: Love in the time of Covid-19 – Kevan Christie

Mum showed no signs of infection, but I still kept a good 20 metres away just in case, writes Kevan Christie.

As this queue outside a supermarket in Manila shows, social distancing is the new big thing all over the world but the Baby Boomber generation may struggle with the concept (Picture: Aaron Favila/AP)

Mother’s Day tomorrow folks and there’s never been a more important time to salute the indefatigability of the women and assorted other parental figures who have shaped our lives in these troubling times.

My own mother was ‘just passing’ the Southfork Mansion in Crossgates where I live last Saturday to drop off a thermal vest after I had complained of feeling the cold at the fitba’. I spotted her ambling through the security gates, having quickly disarmed the guards I employ to keep an eye out for unannounced visitors and the fish van. I should point out she’s Mossad trained.

“Infected! Infected!” I cried as my mother approached the front door, “over 70 and infected...”

At this point I must admit my mum is as yet showing no signs of having coronavirus, dear readers – but advice about self-isolation and social distancing was fresh in my mind from the day job and never being one to overreact, I overreacted. Big time.

Thankfully the neighbours talked me out of putting mum’s picture up on the lampposts, dare she venture into Crossgates in the next three to six months armed to the teeth with cheese scones.

“We won’t make a drama out of a crisis” ... the slogan from an old Commercial Union advert has been in my head ever since.

Mum on the other hand, let’s call her Margaret for argument’s sake, as that’s her name, chuckled heartily as she jammed the vest through the letterbox before shaking her head as she marched back to her car. I waited until Maggie was a good 20-metres away, the advice is two, then ever so slightly opened the door to thank her for the thermals and tell her again that Mother’s Day had been cancelled thinking it was on the 15th March.

“It’s next week a***hole – so you’ve got plenty of time to get me flowers from the garage,” she lovingly replied.

Liberated by The Beatles and birth control

This charming vignette serves to highlight two things – number one, I’m a bad son, the Kray Twins put me to shame in the ‘be nice to your mother’ stakes and, number two, the attitude the so-called Baby Boomer generation has to social distancing and how difficult it’s going to be for them. They’re just not having it, but hopefully that will change as the crisis hits home next week.

Some of them will no doubt miss the pub where self-appointed chief medical officers who moonlight as posties during the day can keep them abreast of the latest developments in medical science. “What’s the latest on the vaccine Davey?”

Those born shortly after the Second World War have until recently “never had it so good” and they know it.

Full employment, final-salary pensions, too young to fight in Korea and kept out of Vietnam by Harold Wilson who didn’t think a Labour Prime Minister should be committing the country to a foreign war and wasn’t buying the American domino theory to stop the spread of communism.

The original teenage rebels, who went on to give us Maggie Thatcher and the right to buy your cooncil hoose, were liberated by birth control and the likes of The Beatles, The Stones and Hancock’s Half Hour.

The Boomers, a term coined due to the increased birth rate immediately after the end of the war, are used to doing what they please, with an energy that puts the rest of us to shame.

‘More tea vicar?’

Many and I’m talking about the early ones born between 1946-1950 still exhibit this lust for life that sees them undertake a limitless list of hobbies and activities while still finding time to keep their homes spotless every day.

My own mother thinks nothing of taking her cockapoo for a brisk walk, practicing several forms of martial arts including Tai Chi, doing Zumba, then wild swimming across the Firth of Forth from Dalgety Bay to meet her pals for a coffee and a blether in George Street.

Like thousands of others she’s going to struggle but has already texted me to say she’ll be doing classes online while letting me know how her friend’s son – who I last saw in 1976 and is now a grandad – is getting on at his work.

I noticed Professor Leitch, the national clinical director for the Scottish Government, and Dr Philippa Whitford had both made reference to older people keeping away from the pub, the bingo and Whitford referenced “tea parties” like it was the 1950s. “More tea vicar?”

It seems a bit patronising to be throwing the bingo at people in their 70s like that’s all they’ve got. You certainly wouldn’t tell someone like Lulu to stop going to the bingo and she’s ‘Bang on the Drum’ at 71. Debbie Harry, who’s ‘On the Floor’ at 74, has probably never set foot in a bingo hall in her puff – so let’s give that patter a rest.

While Boris Johnson’s vow to “send coronavirus packing” within the next 12 weeks is the sort of drivel we’ve come to expect from this giant manchild, a change in behaviour to incorporate social distancing could go a long way to helping us out of this mess.

So, with that in mind, it’s important for people like me to think a wee bit less of ourselves and pay a bit more attention to the rellies starting tomorrow. Happy Mother’s Day – wash yer hands.