Fordyce Maxwell: On Apollo 13 they weren’t still having to use central heating in May

YOU can have too much information, and I’ve just switched off an example of that. Nothing to do with a DVD in questionable taste or a website called up by mistake. All to do with the good intentions of our gas and electricity supplier.

It has kindly installed instant-read meters for both gas and electricity and we have a fuel monitor to watch to while away the evenings.

The good intentions were not glitch-free. It was on a Thursday morning when the first gasman came to call – nice lad. He had a look, but couldn’t do anything because there was a complication beyond his qualifications with the existing electricity meter.

Ten days later, another gasman came to call and he came to exactly the same conclusion as the first fitter. No-one had told him about the complication.

Twelve days later, the third fitter arrived – an impressive, thorough worker who spent about two hours taking out the old and installing the new. He also took final readings from the old meters.

Next day, a meter reader arrived to be nonplussed by the new ones. He hadn’t been told his world was changing.

Glitches aside, I can see the advantages for the fuel supplier. As for us, along with a folder of instructions fronted by a picture reminiscent of those happy people on the cover of The Watchtower, we got a monitor that can be plugged in anywhere – beside the TV, alongside the radio, in the bedroom. At any time I can press a panel to see how much gas and electricity we’re using, how much that is costing right now, over the past week, the last 28 days, the last year.

Energy use over time can be checked, as can our carbon emissions. A blue light will flash when a bill has been sent. Hurray.

But the humdinger is the traffic light system to show at any given second how much fuel is being used. Green is good, amber less good, red frightening. Trying to keep in green recalled the film Apollo 13, when the grounded pilot works in a simulator, trying various ruses with gaffer tape, cardboard and socks to keep energy usage below 40 amps – information that will keep the three men alive in the crippled spacecraft.

If I could reduce our usage to 40 amps I would be a happy man. But on Apollo 13 they weren’t using a tumble-drier occasionally, or still having to use central heating settings in an inclement – a euphemism, I fear – May more appropriate to January.

That’s why I’ve switched the monitor off. If this benighted spring ever becomes warm summer I might give it another chance.