Louisa Pearson: ‘being thoroughly disorganised, I missed last month’s declutter week’

It’s one thing being a green goddess, but domestic goddess is a title I’ll never hold. No matter how hard I try to be neat and tidy and stop the house from looking like six teenagers, three toddlers, five cats and a kleptomaniac live here, it is a losing battle.

For the record, I should state that none of those people or things actually live in my house – they are for illustrative purposes only. What season are we currently enjoying? Spring. What does that mean? It is time for a big clear-out. My clutter is like the magic porridge pot. Despite the fact that I make do and mend, the pile of unloved and unwanted material goods never seems to get any smaller. Being thoroughly disorganised, I missed last month’s Declutter Week, but I have tracked down a survey on Storage.co.uk that attempts to get to the bottom of our hoarding habits – 84 per cent of respondents said they had more belongings than they wanted and 93 per cent had attempted to declutter at least once in the last 12 months (ut given the previous statistic, they were clearly unsuccessful).

In environmental terms, throwing unwanted stuff into landfill is a big no-no. I usually follow the old-fashioned route of putting stuff in a box and depositing it at a charity shop, hoping someone may find a use for novelty key rings and whatnot. Why not sell my stuff online and make a profit? Because I’m too lazy to photograph it, create a listing, package it up and take it to the post office. Car boot sales? Too much human interaction in one go for a Grizzly Adams type like me.

What I should be doing is utilising Freecycle (www.uk.freecycle.org) or Freegle (www.ilovefreegle.org), where – as long as its free, legal and suitable for all ages – you can offer your clutter and someone will hopefully collect it. A word of warning: be careful you don’t end up collecting stuff on these sites rather than getting rid of it. I found myself eyeing up a local offer of chicken wire, thinking it might come in useful some day.

Swishing was all the rage a few years back and still seems a valid option for getting rid of clothes that don’t fit or don’t suit. Visit Swishing.com for inspiration, but essentially you invite friends round for a clothes-swapping party (and most likely leave slightly merry and in possession of a whole new bag of gear you’ll never wear). For furniture and bulky items, there are furniture re-use schemes – search for local providers via www.recycleforscotland.com.

We’ve been so busy decluttering I’ve almost run out of space for the actual cleaning. I’ve given up on the lofty aims of using bicarbonate of soda and vinegar for my scrubbing and instead use Ecover, Method or Bio D eco-friendly products. Mr Green queries their effectiveness for tackling stubborn limescale and was last seen entering the bathroom with a garishly coloured bottle plastered with: “Caution: irritant” warning signs. I’ve just looked at the bottle and it also says: “Risk of serious damage to eyes,” and: “Do not breathe spray.” It did a cracking job on the tiles but the moral of the story is that if I’d cleaned and decluttered little and often, I live in a greener, cleaner house.

So my aim for 2013 is to be one of the seven per cent of people who haven’t done any spring cleaning – simply because they don’t need to. n