Why the world owes a huge debt to real-life Oompa-Loompas – Jim Duffy

Jim Duffy relates his life-long fondness for chocolate – and suggests one kind that’s (allegedly) good with tea.

Chocolate can be a tasty treat, just don't eat too much (Picture: Greg Macvean)

I’ll get straight to the point. I love chocolate. I’m delighted that it was invented, discovered or created. Willie Wonka and his Oompa-Loompas are to be congratulated on their efforts to build a world where chocolate means something. That big Gorilla that plays the drums to Phil Collins at Cadbury hits the spot every time. And to all those Swiss folks who decided not to make clocks, well done on getting on the chocolate bus.

If it was not for all their collective efforts, life would not be the same. And let’s not forget the variety. The world of chocolate is vast, varied and yummy.

Firstly, when one enters the chocolate world, there is the terrific spectrum of names that are given to chocolate bars. Over the last 50 years, the marketeers at companies like Cadbury, Rowntree, Hershey, Mars and so many more have provided us with some stonking monikers that will forever occupy our minds.

Some are simple and say what they do on the tin. For example, Cadbury Dairy Milk. Bang! Nothing more needed to say here. And did you know that there is a glass and half of full cream milk in every bar etc etc? Yes, a ‘healthy’ chocolate fix that claimed to aid nutrition with lots of milk added. But, whether it actually does or not, this is by far my favourite, to the great consternation of my partner. She doesn’t quite hold this Cadbury genius in such high esteem as me. Her loss...

Moving away from the simplicity of my favourite chocolate bar, we enter the realms of space. There is the Milky Way, the Galaxy bar and of course that old classic, the Mars bar. Again, the iconic Mars bar was pitched as sort of good for you. Remember “A Mars day helps you work, rest and play”? I told my mum that, but she never bought me one for my play-piece Monday to Friday. One of my favourite all-time classics here in the world of space was the Starbar. Even the thought of a Starbar makes my mouth water.

A taste of paradise

But, away from space, there are some other cracking names with chocolate to boot.

I don’t think anyone can underestimate the significance of the Snickers bar. Petrol forecourts up and down the country have sold millions of these suckers in regular and supersize ranges. If one likes peanuts, then these are must. Personally, I find them a bit over-powering. However, if I want some nuts in my chocolate, then a Picnic hits the mark. It doesn’t feel as overwhelming as a Snickers, but still offers peanuts and some form of fruit. While we are here, I have never understood the need or the desire for Cadbury’s Fruit & Nut. But, I remain open-minded and if that is your bar of choice, so be it.

One bar that many of you will hanker after is the good old Bounty. Thick milk chocolate smothering sugary, desiccated coconut. A taste of paradise indeed. The Bounty bar with its iconic palm trees on the wrapper was there for me many times as a treat when I grew up.

And here is very opportune moment to mention a chocolate bar that is not always held high in the snobbery chocolate circles, but has been a stalwart of many a primary 5 school child. Yes, it’s a Cadbury Fudge. A thin chocolate bar with a soft centre that melted in your mouth. It was also affordable at a few pence cheaper than it’s bigger rivals. It definitely deserves a mention.

A sugar rush and diabetes?

There are a few chocolate bars that are with us no more and some deserved to be sent to the chocolate cemetery, but others disappeared and I have no clue why.

But others have persevered throughout the decades and are still favourites of many. One such crowdpleaser – and whenever a babysitter arrived with one of these in her bag, she was a goddess as far as me and my sister were concerned – was the Aero. It tasted great with its “bubbles” and smooth chocolate “melt in the mouth” texture and also came in two fabulous sister-bar flavours. The Mint Aero was a favourite of mine, but as I grew older and dafter, I found the Orange Aero is amazing with a hot cup of tea. Bubbles in a chocolate bar, eh? Innovation knows no end.

This trip down chocolate memory lane would not be complete without tipping my hat to a few more well-kent faces in the chocolate fraternity. No-one can doubt the impact of KitKat. It can morph from two-finger to four-finger to a chucky bar. The best variation here I would suggest is the Peanut Butter Chunky KitKat. Alongside the KitKat, another top seller is the Crunchie. This is a fabulous chocolate bar, but one I felt that is only fit for special occasions. It can be a tad too sweet, but that is its beauty nonetheless. Then there are Turkish Delight, Lion Bar, Wispa, Yorkie and I could go on and on. But, you will each have your own favourite.

Regardless of which chocolate variation works for you, I’m just glad that it is about in times of need. Is my love of chocolate steering me towards the type two diabetes out-patients department? Probably yes. Does it cause massive sugar highs, then lows? Probably yes. But, these are the trade-offs that I am willing to make if I can have half an hour in life just to sit down with a mug of tea and a bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk.

And right now, that gives me a bit of comfort. The simple things in life, eh?