Road test: Maserati GranTurismo S is a big noise around here

“No, no and thrice NO!” he yelled in a tone so stentorian, grown men were seen to weep. “You can take the bus. I’m having the Italian supercar to myself this weekend.”

At no point does the word “sport” appear on the list, which suggests, implies, indicates or hints that no one at the thesaurus factory has experienced the feelings of joy, delight, pleasure, felicity or revelry that accompany a stint behind the wheel of the Maserati GranTurismo S Automatic.

For the S, as you may have guessed, is an Italian supercar blessed with, among its many attractions, a button marked “sport”. To prod this is to transform the Maserati from civilised grand tourer to Carzilla. At a stroke, the suspension (among other things) stiffens, the gearchange sharpens its act and a hitherto hidden 10bhp is released from captivity. Well, why settle for 430 horses when you can summon 440 at the press of a button?

But you will notice none of this, because you’ll be too busy trying to wind the windows down in time to get a proper earful of the incredible soundtrack bursting from the back of the car.

Words alone cannot describe the din when valves in the exhaust open and the engine clears its throat, so here’s a mathematical equation: it’s stentorian multiplied by cacophonous, to the power of lusty. Or, as one colleague suggested, “like driving the standard car through a tunnel all the time, even if you’re just ambling along at 20”.

He’s wrong, of course. It’s much louder than that. I know, because I took the Maserati to the Scotsman Motors Test Tunnel to put his theory to the test. (Actually, we don’t have a test tunnel, but the one that takes the A9 under Stirling railway station does a pretty good job.) With the sport setting switched off, the Maserati makes a burble that could be described as “purposeful” and nothing more.

Back in the open air, select sport, floor the throttle, and the Maserati roars like a wounded lion for a couple of seconds before the 50 limit reins in its aggression. Lift off, flick a flappy paddle to shift down a gear or two, and the exhausts pop, bang and gurgle. Go back into the tunnel with the sport button pressed and, well…

But where there is mouth – or in this case a gaping grill with the Maserati trident pinned to the centre of it – there is also trouser. A 4.7-litre V8, good for 440bhp, delivers scorching pace. To make the most of it, switch the automatic gearbox into manual mode and click up and down through all six gears until your grin matches that on the front of the car.

Keep it up and, before long, you’ll need to stop for fuel. Maserati would have you believe the S will return just shy of 19mpg, but don’t wager on getting anywhere near it. A far safer bet is that while you’re chucking another hundred quid’s worth of super-unleaded down the Maserati’s neck, others on the forecourt will happily offer you their opinions on the Maserati’s looks. Happily, they will all have only good things to say.

The GranTurismo S is probably the best looking car we’ve clapped eyes on in a long while: curvy yet chiselled at the same time. Side spoilers, unique to this model, add muscle to match the performance, while the 20-inch seven-spoke wheels are elegant, not excessive. Chrome-rimmed air vents on the flanks, shiny red Brembo brake callipers and a cluster of LEDs in the tail lights add the finishing touches.

Inside, the S makes a decent fist of seating four adults in comfort. It’s roomy enough to border on practical and for something so focused on the task of travelling as fast as possible, while shouting about it, it’s a remarkably comfortable car. Much of the credit for this goes to what Maserati calls the Skyhook system. Variable shock absorbers continually adjust to the car’s mood, stiffening up when the driver cracks the whip, and loosening off a little when pootling about in town. We only had the S in our grasp for a weekend, but in that time it turned heads in Stirling, where the tunnel under the railway station almost certainly still echoes to its bark, and made new friends on the shores of the Firth of Forth while our photographer lavished lots of lens time on it.

Oh, I almost forgot – the GranTurismo S has a stereo. I know this, because I saw the buttons for it. It’s made by Bose and has 11 speakers. What it sounds like, I haven’t the foggiest, because I never bothered to switch it on. To do so would be like taking your pocket transistor to a performance of Turandot, just so you can tune into the Top 40 while the tenor is belting out the big notes in Nessun Dorma.

Asinine, sappy, vacuous. Or, to put it another way, just plain daft.

CAR: Maserati GranTurismo S Automatic

PRICE: From £89,995

PERFORMANCE: Max speed 183mph; 0-60mph 5.0s

MPG: 18.5 combined

EMISSIONS: 354g/km