Health: Dr Hugh Koch on reducing stress

STRESS and anxiety affect us all, whether it's dealing with everyday hassles and problems or when something big happens, like an accident, bereavement or redundancy. We all have different ways of coping with stressful feelings; some help, some don't. Much of our 'coping' involves thinking about something differently, more logically or positively, or by doing something active about our situation.

We can also get support, ideas and encouragement from those around us.

The key to most stress management is to create positive or active steps that can be taken when the stressful circumstance occurs.

These steps might involve our thinking, lifestyle, communication style or behaviour.

NERVOUS DRIVER

I had a car accident a year ago, and since then I've been a very nervous passenger and driver. I am really worried my ten-year-old daughter may 'catch' my anxiety about cars. What can I do to stop her being as nervous as I am?

First, reassure yourself that your nervousness will get better. That means every time you get in the car telling yourself: "I'm safe, this will be OK." It is extremely unlikely you will have another accident. Next, you need to have regular practice going out in the car both as a passenger and driver. Try going on very short trips. If you are driving, remember to relax every five minutes – let your shoulders drop, don't grip the steering wheel too tightly and take deep breaths. If a situation such as passing a junction makes you tense, apply the 'relax' technique then.

When you are a passenger be aware of your feet, hands and mouth – try not to 'brake' or hang on, and try not to point things out to the driver. As these nervous behaviours stop, you will relax more and find it easier to cope.

As you feel better, you will transmit this to your daughter. You can also explain to her that travelling is safe; play games in the car to distract her and make the journey more fun. Please don't worry, this nervousness is understandable and gradually goes.

STRESS CYCLE

I'm 40 and work in a very stressful job. Because our business has been badly hit by the recession, we are short-staffed and I'm doing too much for one person. I don't enjoy being at work, which spills into my home life, and my wife and son have both commented on my irritability. My wife is also concerned my aches and pains might become more serious. I can't leave my job but I feel really stuck. What can I do?

I'm sure many readers will be in your situation. I would like to suggest a number of practical steps you should try – some at work, some at home.

With regards to work, do you have a line manager or supervisor with whom you can discuss your workload? I'm suggesting this as a way of getting support for achieving what is positive and helping superiors recognise what is not.

Feel confident that you are a good, hard worker and can achieve a lot during your day. Job lists help you feel this, and can be ticked off to show how much you've done. Try to have positive thoughts about what you do, despite the pressures, and build into your work day two or three breaks, when you can relax.

Try not to bring the stresses home. When you get there, talk about what you have done rather than the problems. Manage your family and social time so you do enjoyable things. If you find yourself getting irritable or stressed, stop and relax, taking a few deep breaths.

Chronic stress makes the body react, and your aches and pains may be related to how tense your muscles get (but see a doctor if you are still concerned).

Dr Hugh Koch is a practising clinical psychologist. His most recent book is Active Steps To Reducing Stress. For more advice, visit www.reducingstress.co.uk

#149 This article was first published in The Scotland On Sunday on April 04, 2010