Bringing up baby: Which guru to follow?

As any parent knows, there is no right or wrong way to bring up a child, but how do you cope with the arc of life that takes a bundle of joy to a coil of hormones? We asked the experts.

THE GURU

Dr Benjamin Spock's Baby Child Care (Pocket Books, 9.99)

THE THEORY

There's no such thing as too much love. With over 50 million copies sold around the world since 1946, Dr Spock's tome is the biggest-selling book in history after the Bible.

The secret to its success was simple: Spock, who died in 1998, told parents to react spontaneously to their children, to give them love, cuddles, food and discipline when they felt it appropriate, and not according to a strict schedule – as had previously been the case.

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Detractors claimed the Spock baby was raised to "want it now" and grew up to live for instant pleasures and responses, with a low capacity for duty, self-sacrifice and responsibility.

COMMUNICATION

Spock championed permissive parenting. Instead of strict discipline and corporal punishment, they should be reared with understanding of their needs and wants. The famous opening lines of his childcare classic lifted the hearts of mothers everywhere: "Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

FEEDING

Inspired by a faith that babies knew best when and how much to eat, and that the maternal milk supply would accommodate, Spock urged a relaxed approach: mothers should take their cue from their babies. He argued that demand-feeding helped develop a sense of optimism and trust in the world.

SLEEPING

Spock believed stress in infancy, caused by leaving a baby to cry, could be harmful. He championed the cuddly mum, encouraging parents to manage their baby's stress, believing it would stay low if parents taught a baby to trust by holding, stroking, feeding, nuzzling, reassuring, whispering and laughing.

THE GURU

Tracy Hogg, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (Vermilion, 12.99)

THE THEORY

The maternity nurse, child-care adviser and self-styled baby whisperer offers parents simple routines. Following the 'EASY' method, parents are advised to let their baby Eat, keep them Active before letting them Sleep, and then get some You time.

With a host of celebrity clients, Hogg, who died from cancer in 2004, cared for more than 5,000 babies during her career. The book stresses the importance of respecting your baby. "Just try to remember that this is a little human being in your arms, a person whose senses are alive," she wrote.

COMMUNICATION

Hogg's book insists that an imaginary circle of respect should be drawn around a baby to protect their privacy – entry to the circle is granted only with the baby's permission. Parents should also talk with – not at – a baby and be courteous.

FEEDING

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Picture a candle-lit meal – this is what you should recreate for a baby at feeding time, according to Hogg. The child needs all your attention and deserves a peaceful meal in a calm setting – not with a bottle stuck in his mouth as you chat over the garden wall.

Feeding on demand is not encouraged – the baby should be coaxed into a feeding cycle of three or four hours.

SLEEPING/CRYING

Both baby and parent must be considered at bedtime. Sleeping anywhere other than in their own cot in their own room is disrespectful to the baby, but also detrimental to parents. To promote sleep, the baby should be spoken to in hushed tones and gently caressed to encourage positive associations with bedtime. Using a tone that suggests the child is "banished to Siberia" would not make anyone want to go, she wrote.

THE GURU

Miriam Stoppard, Complete Baby and Childcare (Dorling Kindersley, 16.99)

THE THEORY

A mother's love is in the milk. With 50 books to her name, a role as resident health expert on Five's The Wright Stuff, a daily advice column in one of Britain's biggest newspapers and an Oscar-winning ex-husband, playwright Tom Stoppard, the doctor has more A-list credentials than some pop stars. She has been described as the Joan Collins of childcare, finding fame in the 1980s.

Stoppard's books have been translated into 37 languages, and UK sales of Complete Baby and Childcare are at over 2.2 million since it came out in 1995. She has helped turn childcare into a multi-million-pound industry in the UK, and controls her many careers with steely determination – all while perfectly coiffed and made-up. Stoppard may be a product of Dr Spock's 'me' generation, but she has always insisted that her family comes first.

COMMUNICATION

Stoppard was the first child-care expert to advocate parents taking time out for themselves. She broke new ground by warning that partners may feel left out with a baby in the house, stressing that a relationship benefits from precious time together and retaining some normality.

FEEDING

This is another area in which Stoppard's approach was revolutionary. She pointed out that a mother's love might literally come with the milk, 72 hours after birth, or it might develop more gradually. She believed a strong argument in favour of breastfeeding was that it could trigger mother love, as a lactation hormone is also in part responsible for the love you feel for your baby.

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SLEEPING/CRYINGShe urged mothers to have a life outside baby care, to avoid frustration, reassuring them that caring for a baby gets easier. She suggests making space for yourself, even if only for a half-hour soak in the bath.

THE GURU

Gina Ford, The New Contented Little Baby Book (Vermilion, 10.99)

THE THEORY

The queen of routine is the most divisive childcare expert of all. Her book – published in 1999 – has sold more than a million copies. She says children need rigid routines for meals, play and bedtime, and advocates controlled crying – not automatically picking up and comforting a screaming baby.

Celebrity mums Kate Winslet and Heather Mills McCartney swear by her ideas, but others are horrified. Ford, a former maternity nurse, does not have any children of her own.

COMMUNICATION

Ford's methods have mothers feeding, expressing milk and putting their baby down for naps at regular intervals. It is unforgiving and goes head to head with the idea of feeding on demand, or of a parent dancing to their baby's tune. Although she acknowledges that babies need interaction in order to develop, she insists that this should only take place at certain times. These 'social' times are filtered into the baby's routine and should not be flexible. Cuddling a baby to sleep is off limits, for example.

FEEDING

The Contented Little Baby routine means babies get fed little but often. While some parents feel the system is cruel and unnecessary, Ford insists that in the early days your baby must be woken and fed every three hours, and later at least every four hours. This, she says, ensures a routine can be established and, in time, extended.

SLEEPING/CRYINGShowering your baby with love right before bed is also a no-go area, since over-stimulation, which includes eye-contact, can lead to unsettled sleep. Sleep comes in three-hour cycles, worked around feeding, and during these cycles the baby should not be woken or disturbed. If visitors come during sleep time they will not be granted access – the baby is a on a schedule.

THE GURU

Penelope Leach, Your Baby and Child (Dorling Kindersley, 18.99)

THE THEORY

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Leach's 'baby knows best' philosophy revolutionised childcare theory. Since its publication, in 1977, her landmark book has sold more than three million copies. She was the first person to ask parents to understand things from a baby's point of view. How would you like it if no one would play with you and instead complained about needing a break? How would you like it if you were dumped in a nursery while the person you loved most went away? But what about understanding mothers, bored, exasperated and exhausted, many asked?

She was accused of creating a generation of pampered child emperors, and her disapproval of many modern families has been regarded as a sign that she is out of touch.

COMMUNICATION

Leach advocated empathic parenting – you don't just watch what your child is up to, you feel it too. She said a child in a tantrum should be held gently on the floor – even if it was thrashing about. Her book reassured parents that everything their child did was normal.

FEEDING

Leach believed that if you did not let babies realise they were hungry, ask for food and discover the satisfaction of feeding, you were denying them a basic right. She advocated breast milk for six months, but gave as much attention to bottle-feeding and recognised why some might not breast-feed.

SLEEPING/CRYING

Her book intended to liberate parents from rigid rules dictating that crying is good for the lungs and that picking a baby up would make it spoilt. But she also said, "Research suggests that the stress hormone cortisol, which is produced when a baby is left crying, can damage brain development, so if you do it you're taking a risk. There's a chance that maybe you'll get away with it, but you'll never know."

THE GURU

Jo Frost, Confident Baby Care (Orion, 12.99)

THE THEORY

As her formidable alter-ego Supernanny, Frost whipped children into shape with spells on the naughty step and dominatrix-style finger-wagging, but the approach in her 2008 book is more about listening to what your instincts are telling you as a parent.

Frost was a nanny for 17 years and began her career as a baby nurse. Her book focuses on the idea of establishing patterns that will prevent your children from becoming the kind who might require a visit from Supernanny later on. "You're creating healthy patterns – eating patterns and sleeping patterns – that support you and your family," she says. But it's important that you have flexibility; "you don't have to be militant".

COMMUNICATION

Babies can sense fear, so Frost encourages parents to be confident, which will help their babyto feel safe and content. She believes parents should be happy and positive around their child as this loving affirmation will allow them to move forward and develop without fear.

FEEDING

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Frost has no problem with demand feeding, and for the first few months believes it is appropriate. After that, however, a routine must be established and should always be followed. Successful feeding must be combined with a sleeping schedule, as the two are closely linked. Digress from either and things go "haywire".

SLEEPING/CRYING

Contradicting many baby 'experts', Frost encourages props such as a dummy or comfort blanket to help your baby drift off to sleep. She's happy for a 'blanky' to become a fixture in the bedroom, but dummies must not be used for longer than a year.

Allowing the baby to sleep in the parental bed is not something she favours but she does encourage a small cradle or basket in the parents' room.

AGED 1 1/2

They're walking, drinking without spills and even mastering bowel control. Their satisfaction is often expressed as jabbering.the baby bibles – classic v contemporarytheory baby knows best

• This article was first published in The Scotland on Sunday, April 18, 2010