Cargo of mince delivered by rocket to Prestwick

Duncan Ogilvie, with the vintage truck that was driven by his grandfather when he launched the business
Duncan Ogilvie, with the vintage truck that was driven by his grandfather when he launched the business
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There is simply no escaping the big event of the week/year/century, as Stephen Robertson, the founder and head of IP practice Metis Partners, reminds us.

His regular “Friday Funnies” email newsletter last week focused on Thursday’s referendum as its subject matter.

Many things may change in an independent Scotland, it noted, including the dictionary definition of several words, such as:

Cargo: “Goods carried by a ship or an aircraft”. This would change to the Scottish meaning: “a carry-out of alcoholic drinks from an off-licence”.

Rocket: “A device that is launched into the air using explosives”, becoming: “A daft person, someone who’s lost their grip on reality”.

Mince: “Finely chopped pieces of beef, pork or turkey”, taking the Scots meaning: “Comically bad”.

And our favourite example? International Airport: “A central transport hub connecting to a myriad of worldwide locations”, which when looked up post-separation would present you with just one word: “Prestwick”.

As to which way Metis/Robertson might be swinging come Thursday, the mailshot simply notes: “In the interests of diplomacy we will stay neutral throughout.”

Chill-out Zonal

Stuart McLean, chief executive of Zonal Retail Data Systems, was in a chipper mood last week as he officially unveiled the new £1 million headquarters for the Edinburgh-based maker of electronic tills.

Among the highlights of the offices, which once housed hundreds of Standard Life staff, is a games room featuring a pool table and vintage arcade machine, providing a welcome chill-out area for the company’s 200 workers based at the sprawling Tanfield site.

The atmosphere in the boardroom, however, was slightly less mellow as McLean showed the Business Desk some of Zonal’s cutting-edge technology for pubs and restaurants. Teething problems, to be expected after any major relocation, meant the air conditioning was on the blink.

Vantastic Ogilvie jubilee

Ogilvie Group, the Stirling-based construction and fleet hire business, has been celebrating its diamond jubilee in style.

The firm’s 60th birthday sees it take delivery of a 40-strong fleet of Ford vans, sporting the group’s new corporate livery as well as special 60th anniversary logos.

To mark the launch, a vintage 1912 Ford Model T pick-up truck, which was driven by current chief executive Duncan Ogilvie’s grandfather when he launched the business, has been restored over the past two years to its former glory.

In addition, one of the spanking new Transits has been decked out in the company’s original corporate colours – amber and claret – in recognition of the founder’s, also named Duncan, time as a player with Motherwell Football Club.

The proud current boss tells us: “All of the businesses are performing well and we expect to continue our 60-year track record of growth and expansion.”

G whiz, what talent

HE’S the best-selling jazz musician who once played at President Bill Clinton’s inaugural ball, but Kenny G has a hidden talent.

The man whose real name is Kenny Gorelick was one of the first investors in coffee giant Starbucks, being introduced to boss Howard Schultz through an uncle, before the company went public. The saxophonist has since developed a stockpicking habit.

He clearly has a knack for it. Shares in Starbucks have soared more than 12,000 per cent since beginning public trade.

Band hit Wight note

Still on a musical theme, Lucy Frankel, communications manager at Edinburgh-based green packaging innovator Vegware, appears to be having some success with her band, King Eider.

Not only have the folk-blues five-piece been signed up for next year’s Isle of Wight Festival, they’ve beaten thousands of other acts to be named in the UK’s top ten unsigned bands. Well worth checking out their tunes.