Andrew Arbuckle: Putting the boot into some of the industry's worst jobs

AWHILE back, there was a fashion for making lists. Not the sort of aide memoire that the farmer scribbles on a grubby diary as he toddles down to the local machinery dealer. These go along the lines of "spare shear bolts for X, replacement V belt for the Y".

No, I am meaning the type of list that showed the most popular places to visit or the top ten things to do before you die.

The list I was thinking about last week was the "least popular jobs on the farm". It was triggered by the latest bout of bad weather and, as I wrote about the difficulties of looking after livestock in these circumstances, I remembered the palaver needed when thawing out frozen water pipes.

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I remember my skin sticking to the frosty copper pipes and then, when success was imminent, water suddenly spurting out from burst joints. Meanwhile, the cattle bellowed in your ear, reminding you they were thirsty – or playfully chewed and generally slobbered over your jacket. That work would definitely be on my least popular list.

I was thinking of adding another physical discomfort on the list, that of putting on damp wellies, but decided that was an avoidable one and once the initial soggy cold sensation passes, you are outside working and you forget about it.

Looking at machinery failings would add some more "least popular" items. I would add punctures. Especially punctures when the tractor rear wheel bursts when it is far from base or when it is harvest or sowing time. Because for some unwritten law, it is on such occasions that this important cog in the work plan decides to have a "flattie".

No matter why, it just did and you know the next few hours will involve a great deal of huffing and puffing as the tractor is jacked up and the puncture sorted.

Then there is the office work. Mountains of paper may have a slight attraction in the worst of weathers but if there is work to be done outside, then it is a "least popular" chore.

Last week, Jonnie Hall, the policy supremo at NFU Scotland, asked for less duplication in bureaucracy and I am sure his words were echoed throughout a land bedeviled by form filling.

Although two weeks ago, I was listening to David Barnes, one of our top civil servants, explain that getting rid of paperwork is not easy. He used to be in charge of a red tape cutting committee, if that is not an oxymoron. His memory of this was every suggestion for removal was rejected because one member or another of the committee wanted it to stay.

Another "least popular" came to mind when the Scottish agricultural journalists visited Bartlett's massive potato grading unit outside Airdrie. It is a very impressive operation in scale with something like 400 lorry loads of tatties coming in dirty and going away in smart pre-packed form every week.

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The factory with some 500 employees was spotless and it all seemed a model of efficiency.

The part that brought back memories was watching the grading lines where the brock is picked off. Teams of workers were at this task and I had a flashback to my own time picking stones from the rollers of the grader.

I recalled how mind-numbing this work could be. I recalled that when the grieve switched the dresser off to stop for lunch, my eyes would see the rollers going back for a second or two. So, standing at the potato grader for days on end would be on my little list.

I have no doubt that townies would put on their list any handling of dung either in liquid or solid form but, for me, this was never an issue. In fact, a nice strong waft of ammonia on a cold morning soon cleared the head.

By now readers will be mentally adding in their own "least popular" issues but I confess my list is going to look decidedly short – in fact, it is hardly a list at all. Perhaps I should have compiled a list of all the good things about farming. That would be really lengthy.

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