Arts blog: ‘I’d like a private serenade of DeAnne Smith’s Nerdy Love Song. Wearing no pants’ - Maeve Mardsen or cabaret show Lady Sings It Better reveals her Fringe bucket list

1: Kiss a girl with a Scottish accent. Or a boy. It is amazing the effect cute accents have on my normal sexuality.
By The Newsroom
Published 8th Aug 2012, 16:56 BST

2: Get one (or more) five star reviews. Our first reviewer was in the house on Saturday, so fingers crossed!

3: Be able to scale the flights of stairs to our apartment without having a heart attack. Also, climb Arthur’s Seat. Might have to conquer the staircase first…

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4: See Hannah Gadsby’s show, Hannah Wants a Wife. Become said wife. We had a beautiful, intimate moment at the Adelaide Fringe in 2011 when she spotted me in the crowd, invited me on to the stage and improvised a hilarious schtick about how ugly and terrifying my concentrating face is. I think our romance is off to an excellent start. On a similar theme, I’d like a private serenade of DeAnne Smith’s Nerdy Love Song. Wearing no pants…

5: Make the most of the Fringe Central producing and touring events. Introduce Phoebe to as many people as possible as my Business Wife while maintaining a straight face. Get another lady to take sneaky photos of their reactions.

6: Go to Confessions of a Grindr Addict and take bets on how many of the audience will be on Grindr during the show.

7: Eat vegetarian haggis. I also intend to eat a veritable ton of Indian food. Mmm Indian food in the UK is the best. Well, I imagine Indian food in India is better, but beggars can’t be choosers. Finally, I hope to sample all of the toppings at the vegetarian eatery, the Baked Potato on Cockburn Street.

8: Challenge Kiera Daley of LadyNerd to a tetris-off. I am a tetris machine. I spent at least three hours of our flight smashing tetris records. Korean Airlines seat 47G didn’t know what hit it.

9: Perform on the Spiegeltent stage: tick! Lady Sings it Better performed at the Edinburgh Festivals Magazine launch, 15 minutes after our opening night. It was pretty wonderful running through the rain from one venue to the other, all tutus and flying hair. A great start to the festival!

• Lady Sings it Better, a cabaret show in which female singers reinvent famous tunes by male musicians, is at Gilded Balloon Teviot, 6:45pm, until 27 August.