John Gibson: Rough road is driving Mario mad

Driving him mad. Mario Cugini, owner of the family-run Bar Roma in Queensferry Street, in its 29th year, is hardly a bundle of laughs these days.

His girn can spill on to the course where his golfing chums suspect the roadworks on his doorstep are affecting his game.

"The cobbled roadworks outside here is truly appalling, even by today's Edinburgh standards. I've written to the council complaining bitterly. They said they'd send somebody but nothing's happened."

Typical, Mario, I said, typical, as he cried on my shoulder. I was letting him get it out of his system.

"If any of my customers take a tumble and are badly injured they should sue." The lads at the club swear all this is affecting his swing.

Meanwhile, to all Italian restaurateurs and their customers . . . I say buon appetito and mind how you go.

Who's that girl?

Hey, Annie, been touring the charity shops again? That was an absolute stoater of an outfit you wore at Buck Palace on Wednesday to pick up an OBE from Queenie. Maybe Vivienne Westwood could have helped.

Give us a Cloo

Now that he has broadcast that he's single again, they're gambling on who'll be George Clooney's next bride. William Hill are listing Sandra Bullock favourite at 3-1. You can get 5000-1 with Anne Widdecombe. Margaret Beckett isn't quoted.

Afterwords . .

. . . High anxiety. Delightfully mad Mel Brooks has just turned 85 and says on his birthday: "If you are alive, you've got to flap your arms and legs and jump about a bit."