Interview: My festival: Richard Coles

'I have a natural gift for the trampoline, but it is too dangerous now, because my moobs get so out of sequence with the rest of me...'

Revered Richard Coles: #SimpleCountryParsons at Pleasance Courtyard

Revered Richard Coles: #SimpleCountryParsons, Pleasance Courtyard

I only have time to see one show in Edinburgh. Why should I go to yours?

Where else will you have the chance to hear the only vicar to have had a number one record and to have spray- tanned with Debbie McGee? Conveniently located for Gyles Brandreth too.

Now I think of it, I’ve got time to see two. What else should I definitely go to?

Obviously anything with Christopher Biggins is compulsory, and I’m delighted to be one his guests on his show Late Lunch at the Pleasance Dome. I haven’t seen him since we went dog sledding in Lapland (true).

What are the best and worst things that have happened to you at the Edinburgh festival?

Best thing was interviewing Patti Smith and Philip Glass at the Playhouse a few years ago and meeting Ian Rankin afterwards. The worst thing was getting an unstoppable nose bleed after an all-nighter with some comedians. It was my last ever all-nighter not caused by insomnia.

Please describe where you’re living this month.

I am staying with my pal Martin Henry in the Village. He lives on the top floor of a Georgian block which gives a fine view of the street and we like to sit at the window and pass terrible judgments on people walking past.

Waverley Station, I think. I arrived here on my first visit to the city, my first visit to Scotland, and I fell I love with both immediately. Now I tend to see it from the bar car on the Caledonian Sleeper, either arriving (preferred) or departing.

Who do you most like spending time with at the festival?

Martin. We’ve been pals for 35 years. We’ve been through thick and thin, we can say anything to each other, and he makes me laugh so much I risk my dignity. I love him.

Where can I find you at 9am, 9pm and 2am?

In a café, probably on Broughton St; in a restaurant, probably in Leith; in bed in Martin’s spare room, surrounded by Catholic statuary and under a bedspread made by First Nation Canadians.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people. I have a natural gift for the trampoline, but it is too dangerous now, because my moobs get so out of sequence with the rest of me I worry it will tilt the world off its axis.

If I can move from the horizontal plane to the vertical without falling off the bed than that bodes quite well.

I have to flex my ankles a few times too just to get them ready for weight-bearing.

What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?

Specs off, earplugs in, thank God for getting to the end of the day and count my blessings. And then get up again because I forgot to pee.

Thanks for the interview! I’d like to buy you a drink. Where are we going and what are we drinking?

I’d like a bottle of the Macallan 18 Year Old Triple Cask, please, and I would like to drink it with you in the bar at the New Club.

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