Brian Ferguson’s Festival Diary: a busman’s holiday
I made a complete hash of getting off before the Royal Mile after my trusty service from Leith was diverted under the city council’s Summertime Streets programme, which is aimed at making the city’s Fringe hotspots safer for all, and promptly blamed the driver for my tardiness.
Therefore I was able to raise a knowing smile later the same day at Gilded Balloon’s launch when the city’s army of bus drivers and their endurance of all that comes with the Fringe were honoured in song.
The London-based sketch group Just These Please have clearly got a handle on people who really keep the city moving, if their Edinburgh Bus Driver song is anything to go by. It starts off with the cheery but ominous refrain: “I’m an Edinburgh bus driver, we’re known about the town. We tip our hats to passengers as they get on and sit down. We drive these streets up and down with a twinkle in our eye. But that twinkle starts to dwindle as we make it to July.”
The ditty ended up notably darker with a warning of what they do with Fringe folk who cross them: “They ask me for directions to go up Arthur’s Seat. I say ‘don’t worry, I’ll take ye pal’ then sever off their feet. I chop them into tiny bits and cook them into pies. No-one knows which meat is which when everything’s deep fried.”
They might need to change the ending to be allowed to film a promo on the top deck of the No 35.
*With several venue launches under my belt my favourite gag has come from Underbelly director Charlie Wood, which should keep our (mostly) good-natured feud ticking over.
He previously provided me with, to date, my greatest ever endorsement by hailing my “relentless pursuit of the negative,” which I’d definitely put on my own Fringe posters if I had any.
Wood was already on the warpath at the start of the week after our reporting of the Fair Fringe campaign’s latest research and even sent me a picture of my empty desk at The Scotsman as he tried to hunt me down.
His mood had calmed when we finally caught up after Underbelly’s launch when he offered to buy me “a pint of positivity” at the bar. I’ll have what he’s having.
*Fringe Society chief executive Shona McCarthy, who has also been dropping hints that I should be more of a cheerleader for the festival, certainly had my attention with her idea of urging every business in the city to offer a 30 per cent discount to anyone with a festival laminate to help cut the cost of attending the Fringe.
Seeing my eyes light up, she let me down gently by adding: “Anyone except journalists, that is.”