“I’m one of the middle-aged (OK, a bit older) females who are not embarrassed to say I believe in God - which is just about the most embarrassing thing you can own up to these days, even more than admitting you fancy someone under 30.” Broadcaster Janet Street-Porter, 68.
“My three husbands all left me for another woman and obviously I wasn’t a very sexual lady. I have never wished that I had more sex.” Actress Debbie Reynolds, 83.
“When I look in the cupboard under the sink and see three unused bottles of hand wash, I realise that I am turning into my parents.” Comedian Sarah Millican, 40.
“I like being someone who caused a generation of men to have their first erection.” Actress Jane Fonda, 77.
“It’s very hard to be married to a Beatle. Never, never, never... I’m single, I want to have fun but I don’t want to be married. It’s one thing I’m absolutely sure about.” Heather Mills, 47, former wife of Sir Paul McCartney.
“Boneheads, philistines and uninspired skinflints... may you all rot in hell.” Film director Mike Leigh, 72, on his detractors.
“I started off as Benedict Carlton, which is my middle name, my grandfather’s name. Cumberbatch sounds like a fart in a bath. It is even funnier in an English accent.” Actor Benedict Cumberbatch, 39.
“My pet hate is women’s shoes where you can see the toes, and the toes stray beyond the end of the shoe. I can’t bear to look. I find it awful. It is like I want to file them off.” Broadcaster Adrian Chiles, 48.
“I’m smashed. So smashed I think the waiters are hot.” Comedian and writer Jennifer Saunders, 57, after an intake of champagne.
“Life as an MP (or any kind of celebrity, I have discovered since) requires a strange mixture of egotism and altruism. It is a special kind of vanity.” Former MP Edwina Currie, 69.
“When they installed bungee ropes in the church tower, the bell ringers hit the roof.” Comedian Ken Dodd, 88.
“I thought I had driven to hell this morning. But no, it was just the school run.” Former Strictly Come Dancing judge Arlene Phillips, 72.
“Like a warm bath on a cold day, suds ‘n’ all.” Actor Chris O’ Dowd, 36, when asked what love feels like.
“My friends used to call him Grumpelstiltskin. He is grumpy.” Actress Liz Hurley, 50, on her former boyfriend Hugh Grant.
“You can’t do tracksuits, ladies. They are the number one cause of divorce in America. Tracksuits? No!” Actress Eva Mendes, 41.
“I’m a man, I can’t do two things at once. Don’t be ridiculous!” Prime Minister David Cameron, 49, after being asked why he couldn’t listen to music while out running in an interview with Heat magazine.
“We all come in different shapes, sizes and colours - even tomatoes. That’s what makes life so exciting.” Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, 40.
“I don’t think she noticed. She had an awful lot of thick costume going on, you see. But, of course, I told her afterwards and she was so pleased. Thrilled to bits.” Veteran actor Robert Hardy, 90, recalling telling Dame Judi Dench that he became aroused during a love scene with her.
“Some days I look in the mirror and think, ‘Oh my gosh! I look like a potato’.” Actress Blake Lively, 28.
“Why are we still together after 15 years? Because I haven’t killed her yet.” TV presenter Phil Spencer, 46, joking about his co-presenter Kirstie Allsopp.
“I remember when we were doing a film, Clint Eastwood’s horse was acting up. This is when I knew he is a true Republican. He got off the horse, looked at the horse and socked him.” Actress Shirley MacLaine, 81.
“Nowadays, if you asked for spotted dick in most of Soho’s leading establishments, you might get more than you bargained for.” Actor Michael Simkins, 58, lamenting the disappearance of traditional, cheap food from London’s West End.
“Posing naked with a large cod strategically placed over my private area.” Actress Greta Scacchi, 55, on her greatest achievement.
“She was the sexiest matron I ever met.” Channel 4 News presenter Jon Snow, 68, recalling interviewing Margaret Thatcher.
“My grandfather once chased his Liberal candidate down the street, waving a stick. You can’t do that these days but at least it brought some life to campaigning.” Former MP Ann Widdecombe, 68.
“I have about 10lb that seems to come and go, and that has been the way for as long as I can remember. Maybe I should do something about them - finally say goodbye to them. Giving up those two spoonfuls in my coffee might help.” Actress Dame Helen Mirren, 70.
“It is its own entity: I think of it as something entirely separate to me. Probably the reason for it is the fact I’ve spent most of my adult life dancing around in very high heels.” Singer Kylie Minogue, 47, on her famous bottom.
“I can’t wait for them to get here. It is time we had a more interesting species to talk to. I very much hope they will be music lovers.” Soprano Lesley Garrett, 60, on looking forward to visitors from outer space.
“I am definitely fond of my boyfriend, Richard Curtis. It has been 25 years though I still won’t marry him in case someone better comes along.” Broadcaster Emma Freud, 53.
“I wish I could have my virginity back. It would be fun to lose it again without the guilt and fear linked with it in the past.” Actress and celebrity baker Jane Asher, 69.
“In my day, 58 beers between London and Sydney would have classified you as a teetotaller.” Former Australian cricket captain Ian Chappell, 72, as the Aussies Ashes squad arrived in Britain.
“I am slowly falling apart and feel like a walking spare parts depot. I have a fake knee. I have a fake hip. I’ve got a lot of metal in my back - it’s a field day at the airport.” Actress Jane Fonda, 77.
“It goes so fast that you can still remember why you went upstairs.” Actress June Whitfield, 90, on the latest stairlift model.
“Now they want to give me a decade of hotness. I’m like, ‘Bring it on’. You really like to be hot after you’re 40.” Actress Salma Hayek, 49, on the attitude of her film bosses.
“My parents used to tell me off for licking my plate, but if the food is good it’s a great compliment. Smelling is the overture, eating is the main act, licking is the curtain call.” Actor Richard E. Grant, 58.
“I am here to lift your spirits, like a boob job for your soul.” Singer and actress Bette Midler, 70.
“The studded leather mini-dress looked good from a distance of, say, 200 miles. Up close it would frighten a gargoyle.” Author Kathy Lette, 57, on looking for clothes in a charity shop.
“Sometimes I think I’m Madonna, but I get confused with the check-out girl at Tesco.” Downton Abbey star Joanne Froggatt, 35.
“My hair has stopped growing. In fact it is growing shorter.” TV personality Jonathan Ross, 55.
“You know some women take fat from their bottom and put it in their upper lip? Then you’re kissing their ass!” Model Jerry Hall, 59.
“It is very hard for them to attack me on looks, because I am so good-looking.” US presidential candidate and entrepreneur Donald Trump, 69.
“I seem to always go for the wrong ‘uns - I’m never attracted to the kind of men I’m supposed to be attracted to.” Singer and actress Natalie Imbruglia, 40.
“I am not someone who wakes up at 6am to go to the gym. My advice is eat well, drink well, have good sex and laugh a lot. The rest comes all on its own.” James Bond actress Monica Bellucci, 51.
“I wake up in the morning and I can’t wait to look at my face in the mirror and say, ‘My God, you look bloody good, Brian’. I love that I look like a gorilla - I am frequently mistaken in the Himalayas for a yeti.” Actor and Everest climber Brian Blessed, 79.
“I would really love to run very fast without my bosoms causing injury. I can only do uncomfortable, wobbly jogging.” Actress and comedian Dawn French, 58.
“Thanks for the kind invitation. I feel I am three decades too old to enjoy this, but you have fun.” Harry Potter creator J. K. Rowling, 50, after being invited to Exeter University’s Safer Sex Ball, where participants have to appear in their underwear.
“I’m a pretty shambolic person. I don’t have the qualifications to say to people, ‘You can’t eat that, you can’t eat this’. I’m not in a position to preach anything to anyone else.” Celebrity chef Nigella Lawson, 55.
“I was a baked bean rep. I had to knock on people’s doors dressed as a baked bean.” Adventurer and broadcaster Ben Fogle, 42, on his worst ever job.
“When you get told by Mick Jagger that you are a bad influence on the Rolling Stones, it is time to put the brakes on and call it a day.” Entertainer Paul O’Grady, 60.
“I’m human, I’m a woman, I want to have sex. But what am I going to do - just find the first random cute dude that I think is going to be a great ride for the night and then tomorrow I wake up feeling empty and hollow? I can’t do it to myself. I cannot.” Singer Rihanna, 27.
“Men aren’t into high-maintenance women. They want someone who will roll around on the carpet, take their clothes off, eat too much and have lots of fun.” TV presenter Fern Britton, 58.
“When I say I will do something, I do it. Shaking my hand is better than a 500-page contract.” Lord Alan Sugar, 68.
“I’ve got more chandeliers in my toilet.” Singer Elton John, 68, complaining about the dim lights as he made a speech in the US ambassador’s London residence.
“I’ve got a cat that’s more rock’n’roll than all of them put together.” Oasis star Noel Gallagher, 48, on today’s pop stars.
“They don’t want to hire all of me - only about three-quarters! Nothing changes, it’s an appearance-driven thing. I’m in a business where the only thing that matters is weight and appearance. That is so messed up.” Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher, 59.
“There was part of me, having been brought up Catholic, that thought I would get into good works and become canonised. And now, I am a TV nun.” Actress Jenny Agutter, 62.
“Tossers, tossers, the whole bunch of you.” Lady Colin Campbell, 66, to her fellow ‘jungle mates’ before she quit I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!
“I know it’s really shallow and you should love everything about yourself, but I would love to change my nose.” The Only Way Is Essex star Ferne McCann, 25.
“I would shove most politicians into a cauldron and boil them up.” Veteran actress Diana Rigg, 77.