Agony and Ecstasy

One of my super-fit colleagues goes out for a run every lunchtime, but then she comes back and sits for the rest of the afternoon in her stale sweat. It's disgusting and it's starting to make me feel physically sick. Worse, I'm concerned some people might actually think it's me who stinks. How can I persuade her to have a shower?

Stink Panther

Dear Stink Panther

Some common or garden agony aunts might suggest a gesture as subtle as a gift of soap and other goodies for her birthday, or that you casually mention how hot it is in the office, and isn't it good the management has provided showers on the premises. But I'm no ordinary agony aunt and tend to favour the direct approach in such circumstances.

Tell your colleague she's a filthy mare and needs to learn the basics of personal hygiene if she ever expects to be welcomed into polite society. No-one likes a minger, and you'll be doing her a favour in the long term, I promise you. However, if she happens to be your boss, ignore everything I have just said and buy yourself a nosegay – they were all the rage in the 19th century, when the streets were full of similarly unwashed proles.

Dear Agony Aunt

I have been invited to a wedding in the summer, but the invitation says the dress code is "casual". What on earth does that mean? Up to the nines, I can do – I like nothing better than a chance to buy a hat and a buttonhole. But do they really want me to attend their nuptials dressed in jeans?

Frocked Out

Dear Frocked Out

Jeans? Are you mad? I sincerely hope you are making an attempt at sarcasm, because denim is utterly unacceptable wedding attire unless a Status Quo theme has been specifically mentioned on the invitation. Otherwise, casual dress normally refers to the gentlemen – in that they are not required to wear a suit, but that slacks and a jacket will suffice. In your case, a dress is best, although a skirt and blouse would also work, worn with flats if the ceremony is due to take place outside (grass can play havoc with your Prada heels).

As with all wedding etiquette, however, what you should wear is far less important than what you absolutely should not, so pay attention. White is forbidden (unless you are the bride, of course). Ditto black (this rule also applies to the bride, unless she happens to be pledging her troth to Count Dracula). Don't wear anything too sexy or revealing, and if it's in a church bring a wrap to cover bare shoulders. Got that? Now just relax and have a wonderful time.

Dear Agony Aunt

I've been getting Botox regularly for two years but I still haven't told my husband. He says he loves me the way I am and doesn't think I should be getting "poison" injected into my face. However, I love the results, so am saving up my cash in secret. I'm sure he hasn't guessed, but I'm due for my next session and have started to feel guilty. Should I fess up?

About Face

Dear About Face

All healthy relationships have little secrets. For instance, I have never told Agony Uncle that I regularly pluck the wiry black hairs that sprout from my big toes, or use haemorrhoid cream to treat the crow's feet around my eyes, but I'm quite sure he's delighted with the results all the same. Likewise with your little procedure.

If you're happy and he's happy, and the children aren't walking around in threadbare clothes because you've spent all the housekeeping on cosmetic treatments, I don't really see a problem. But if you're still fretting over your small subterfuge, by all means tell all. Better that than let all that frowning ruin your hard work.

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This article was first published in Scotland on Sunday, This article was first published in Scotland on Sunday, January 31, 2010