A SQUIRT of whipped cream and a cherry on top was all that was missing from the first half of this saccharinely extravagant Vegas cabaret-style show by probably the two most famous members of blockbusting American entertainment dynasty the Osmonds.
Donnie & Marie Osmond
Star rating: * * * *
Well, unless you were to consider a surprise guest appearance from Susan Boyle the cherry, but that might be a bit unflattering.
A breathless opening hour-and-a-bit of heavy camp and light humour opened with Donny and Marie bursting onstage to It Takes Two, before Marie – a mother of eight – was left to sing a rock medley, crack jokes about the menopause and drag one poor bloke onstage to sing to win his wife a photo op with Donny. Once said cheeser – erstwhile 70s teeny-pop pin-up extraordinaire, the prototype Justin Bieber (they even had the same hair style) – took over, we got a delightfully bonkers Crazy Horses and knowingly tacky Puppy Love, before West Lothian’s finest was unveiled before the interval.
Fun as the second half proved to be between a breakneck Broadway musicals medley, and Donny giving a nostalgic (cue audience shrieks) run through Love Me For A Reason in sync with video footage of his brothers, perhaps inevitably none of it came close to matching the mass gasp and explosion of camera flashes that greeted Donny leading SuBo out to duet on This Is The Moment.
She departed after gifting her host a tartan scarf, and receiving a lingering kiss on the lips in return, no doubt living out the mildly risqué fantasy of many of the other middle-age women present.