Sketch: Nicola Sturgeon and Johann Lamont get shirty over trews

By TOM PETERKIN
Published on 22/06/2012 02:35

NEVER mind Royal Ascot, yesterday was Ladies Day at Holyrood. With Alex Salmond in America, it was left to Nicola Sturgeon to fend off Johann Lamont at an all-female First Minister’s Questions.

Mercifully, the demure dress-sense of the parliamentary pulchritude is in stark contrast to the revealing outfits that have been sported at Royal Ascot by some of the racier race-goers.

Unlike Royal Ascot, the Scottish Parliamentary authorities have never felt the need to impose a stricter dress code on MSPs. And as ever, MSPs’ outfits were reassuringly smart, midriffs were covered (not a tattoo in sight) and hem lines were lower than this week’s independence polling.

With all in order at Holyrood, the fashion police cast their eyes on Hollywood and the “hotel concierge” tartan trews worn by Alex Salmond at ‘The Brave’ premiere.

“I’m glad to see at last he has been able to make a trip to the pictures without it ending in farce,” was Lamont’s opening gambit, making a snide reference to the launch of the Yes Scotland campaign at an Edinburgh cinema.

“Although those trews would give Jack McConnell a run for his money in the fashion stakes and I do say that as something of a fashion icon myself,” she added.

Raising the spectre of McConnell’s pinstriped kilt earned Lamont a sharp retort from Sturgeon.

“I think Jack McConnell is quite safe in his hold on the title of champion of silly outfits,” said the Deputy First Minister with justifiable confidence.

Having dealt with Salmond’s trousers, Lamont moved on to more familiar ground. Yet again she challenged the SNP on its “meaningless assertion” that an independent Scotland would have a seat on the Monetary Policy Committee of the Bank of England.

It was then that Lamont indulged in a flight of fancy that owed more to Braveheart than the ‘The Brave’.

“You can imagine Wallace’s address to his troops at Stirling Bridge if Nicola Sturgeon had written it,” Lamont taunted..

“Don’t worry boys, if we win, we’ll still keep King Edward as King and we will send him homeward with a seat on the Monetary Policy Committee.”

Much more of this and the SNP will have “tae think again” on their economic policy.