US Masters: Augusta Diary - Tiger Woods suffers from friendly fire as buddy Barkley chips in

Published on Saturday 10 April 2010 22:33

WITH FRIENDS like this, Tiger Woods really doesn't have any need for enemies. Former NBA star Charles Barkley went on Fox Sports Radio the other day and got talking about his buddy, Tiger. For years now, Barkley, Woods and Michael Jordan have been close, a trio of black superstars often talking fondly in public about each other's accomplishments on the golf course and the basketball court.

Barkley, though, is a loose cannon. "Tiger is my brother. I love him," he announced on radio. "I only had two problems with Tiger with this whole thing. Number one, I told him years ago to quit saying you're not black because all these people who smile at your face, when you screw up, you're going to be black. And that's come back to bite him in the ass. We kept telling him not to say that. These people are not your friends… And secondly, I wish he would get to the point where he says, 'Hey listen, I'm not going to walk around on eggshells anymore. I understand that I messed up. I own this. This is my fault. I have apologised to my wife and I have apologised to my kids. The rest of y'all can kiss my ass.' Them the only two things, problems I have with Tiger."

Such sage career advice. Barkley went on and on, however. He attacked the chairman of Augusta National, Billy Payne, for condemning Woods' off-course behaviour. "And then you have this punk ass Billy Payne that goes on TV yesterday," trumpeted Barkley. "First of all, he ain't told his kids and grandkids to be like Tiger Woods. Let's not kid ourselves. For them to get on there and act like he's all Uncle Tom, the master on the plantation, that pisses me off. I wish somebody would just walk up and punch him in his face."

Marvellous tip, Charles. Get one of Woods' inner-circle to deck Payne on Magnolia Lane. That'll sort this mess out. That'll repair Tiger's reputation in one swipe. "We got everything cool," added the basketball star. "He's my boy. I got his back. I understand what he got to do. I'm glad to see him back on the golf course. He's paid. Now he's got to get on with golf and his life. But, at some point, he needs to stop and like you know, 'I've apologised to my family. I've apologised to my wife. I'm not going to take abuse from you jackasses.' And that's what I am waiting to see."

Wouldn't that be something to behold!

Wolf in sheepish clothing

JOSLYN James, one of Tiger Woods' "gal pals", as she was described in an American tabloid last week, didn't exactly let the golfer's return to the game go by without comment. Well, we say comment but what her statement was more, er, physical than verbal. Dressed – briefly – in lacy black lingerie and lace-up leather boots, James made an appearance at the Pink Pony strip club in Atlanta. Oh, and she was wearing a green jacket. Very subtle, girl. Very classy.

Before her act, she talked about Tiger, just as the man himself appeared on the television screen behind her. "I saw the Nike commercial," she said, in reference to Woods being talked to by his late father. "Kinda creepy."

Poor Joslyn. She said she went out of her way to please Tiger in the sack. "I went that extra mile, that extra step." Best not dwell on that thought. "He has an addiction, to lying," she said, while claiming, again, that some of Woods' inner circle knew what was going on behind the scenes. "He didn't hide me from them. They say they haven't met me or may have met me. I guess when Bryon (Bell, head of Tiger Woods Design] had dinner with me at Tiger's house in Vegas, I was invisible. I guess when Jerry (Chang, the golfer's buddy from Stranford University) sat next to me... I was invisible. Look, he hurt me terribly, but I don't wish him ill. He shouldn't have rushed back to play... He uses these tournaments to go around being a philanderer. I just wish he'd tell the truth and be the kind of man his mother and father raised him to be."

With that, she whipped off her green jacket and, well, you can imagine the rest.

McDowell out of the closet

THE curse of the confident golfer strikes many times at Augusta. Just when you think it's safe to talk about what winning the Masters might be like, you fall flat on your face. "I've a few nice outfits lined up for the week, some nice belts and trousers, and I'll be sure to wear something that doesn't clash with green come Sunday," wrote the amiable Ulsterman, Graeme McDowell, last week. "Every golfer has dreamed of putting that Green Jacket on."

McDowell was hanging in there until his meltdown on the 14th and 15th on Friday, where the wheels came off. He dropped three shots on those two holes, including a seven on the par-five 15th and that was that. McDowell was, as they say in the game, trunk slammin' within an hour; that is, slamming the boot of his car shut and heading down the road.

Pity, those Sunday outfits sounded really nice.